Pumpkins Make People Crazyyyyy!
by Yumi-chan-likes-chainsaws
Summary: Random craic with your favourite twins! Pumpkins, raccoons and deliberately confusing Haruhi. Could only be the Hitachiins! Ch.85's up and everyone is related
1. Kaoru's gots a thing for teh pumpkins

**_Oko- The pumpkin story was so cute! ^^_**

**_Bob- So thats why you decided to parody it?_**

**_Oko- Pretty much!_**

**_Bob- (I'll never understand that girl....)_**

**_Oko-....it actually didn't come out all that funny, but I've got better ideas for this! Just keep reading! This is a parody of a lot of stuff in the series, just the pumpkin thing is first!_**

**_Bob-....._**

**_Bob-a-jobbin'- WHHOOOOOP!!!!_**

-x-

Tamaki was rolling on the floor, in his usual state of depression. Haruhi, the cause of this depression, was still talking Kasonada, oblivious to the king's obvious distress.

Not that the twins really cared about Tamaki's stupid pride (although they did care about their precious toy being chatted up by Kasonada...), but at least they noticed it (maybe because he was using the space in front of him to cry his little heart out....it would be really hard to miss it...)

Kaoru sighed, hugging his pumpkin closer. It was practically insanity to him how Tono couldn't get it. That Tono still didnt realize his love for Haruhi. Kaoru sighed harder. Hikaru didn't know either.

But then again, at this stage, he didn't know...

'I wish people who are **in love with Haruhi**, would just come out and **say it**, instead of **beating 'round** **the bush**,' Kaoru stated, with faked nonchalance.

Hikaru blinked. 'Why are you emphasising stuff?'

Kaoru looked at him incredulously. Hikaru grinned stupidly back. Kaoru face palmed.

Tamaki looked up, realising he wasn't alone in his depression corner. He scowled at Kaoru.

'May I ask you why you're holding a pumpkin?'

Kaoru shot him a glare that could repress a nuclear explosion. 'It's the super amazing pumpkin of life!'

-x-

They all looked up from what they were doing as Tamaki entered the room. He stood tall, Eclair behind him, smirking.

'I will be engaged to Eclair, and I will also be disbanding the host club!' He said, his voice ringing through the room.

All the hosts gasped. Hunny let Usa-chan drop to the floor. Mori slowly bent down to pick it up, handing it back to the shocked senior. Haruhi stood, shock coursing through her.

Suddenly they heard an estranged wail. They flung them selves around, just to see Hikaru trying to console his sobbing brother.

_Surely thats a bit over dramatic...._Haruhi thought sullenly.

Kaoru looked up at them, his eyes narrowing into a glare. It was only then, that the hosts noticed the dead object Kaoru was holding.

He scowled. 'Tono killed my flippin' pumpkin!'

-x-

Hikaru made the carriage go faster and faster, until it finally toppled over. Kaoru fell out, skidding along the ground, but otherwise, okay. Haruhi managed to stay upright in the carriage, holding onto the sides for dear life.

Hikaru went 'whooooooosh' over and landed in the middle of a field. Show off....

Kaoru yelped as he saw his brother hit the ground, scrambling to his feet and running into the field. He grabbed Hikaru's hand, helping him to sit up.

Haruhi got tired waiting, and took matters into her own hands, deciding to drive the carriage herself.

'....ungrateful girl! She left us behind!' Hikaru scowled, watching the carriage ride into the distant.

Kaoru wasn't listening. He was staring at his surroundings in wonder. 'Pumpkins!'

-x-

They were driving back to the school, in the chauffeur driven car with the tainted windows. It was big enough for all of them to pile into, no one having to share a seat or anything.

Kaoru looked out the window. His was rolled down, so he could watch the scenery go by. Suddenly he stopped smiling, and a look of horror came over him. Hikaru noticed. He touched his twins shoulder, worried.

'Kaoru, whats wrong?'

Kaoru turned to him, pointing out the window, at the field they had fallen into earlier. All the pumpkins in it had died.

'I'm gonna kill you Tono!!! Stop your murderous killing spreeeeeee!!!!'

'Would you give it a rest?!?!'

-x-

**_Bob- In case you don't get the second part, its a pun on Kaoru's little speech to the Class rep when they got locked in the room in episode 21. He says that the host club made their lives into a carriage, but it could just turn back into a pumpkin at any time. So we parodied it by saying that if the host club got disbanded, Kaoru's pumpkin would die._**

**_Oko- Also, the first part is set when Kasonada came to the host club to see Haruh, and Hikaru, Kaoru and Tamaki get all worked up!_**

**_Bob-a-jobbin'- WHOOOPPP!_**

**_Oko- Please review! Another update soon!_**


	2. Kyoya's off to kill some idiots

**_Oko-......_**

**_Bob-......_**

**_Oko-......._**

**_Bob-.......this contains a reasonably humorous but quite homophobic Kyoya bashing...._**

**_Oko-......_**

**_Bob-........so...I guess you should read......._**

**_Oko-....me hates teh homophobes....._**

**_

* * *

_**

The twins bounced over to Kyoya happily. Kyoya was ever so slightly, in the darkest corner of his black heart, worried about what they were planning.

_When the twins are smiling...evilly like that, you know they're up to something....._

'Hey Kyoya!'

'Hey Kyoya!'

He turned to them, watching the grin play on their faces. 'Yes?'

The grinned wider. 'Are you gay?'

Kyoya just stared at them. 'I don't believe you have any r-'

They faked a gasp. Kyoya stopped mid-sentence, and looked at them curiously, tipping his glasses. 'Is something wrong with what I just said?'

They grinned again. 'You are gay!'

Kyoya looked at them again. 'I never said that.'

The twins started jumping up and down yelling at the top of their lungs, 'DARK LORDS GAY THE DARK LORDS GAY!!!!'

Tono looked up from his corner of woe (to which Kaoru had sent him after a damn lot of beating after the previous chapter) 'M-mommy? Y-your...gay?'

Kyoya looked over to him. 'Dad, it's time for your meds again.'

Tamaki took his pills and fell into a deep slumber.

Kyoya then turned to the twins, who were still chanting. 'Would you mind shutting up?'

The twins laughed harder, pushing Kyoya a bit. 'You're gay! Yeah you're a gay! You're a gay idiot! Yeah you're stupid! You're gay! Gay gay gay gay gay gay GAY!!!'

Kyoya grabbed them both and shook them, losing what little bit of patience he had. 'Shut the hell up or I'll Kill You BOTH!!!'

The twins stared at the vice president of the club, their eyes wide and unblinking. Suddenly they burst out laughing, turned to each other, pointing at each other, laughing even harder as they yelled,

'P.M.S. ISSUES!!!'

'THAT'S IT!!! YOU TWO GET BACK HERE NOW!!!'


	3. Hikaru will plan WORLD DOMINATION!

**_Oko- Heheh, I don't think Hikaru is that evil...._**

**_Bob- (should your sister really be letting you write when she's away?)_**

**_Oko- But this is a fanfiction, so it doesn't matter, right?_**

**_Bob- (yup, Yumi should've went on hiatus while she left, instead of leaving Oko in charge...)_**

**_EviLCOMputER- MwahahahaHAHA!_**

**_Bob- (Didnt we get rid of you?.....dont really care though)_**

**_Oko- Sayounara! Please Read and review!_**

**_Bob- (I wonder if I could tie her up?...nah, Yumi'd get mad....)_**

-x-

Hikaru was such a troublesome child. His mother knew this because of the amount of times she had to yell at him, whenever she was at home.

'Hikaru, do your homework!'

'Hikaru, get down from the chandelier!'

'Hikaru, stop tying up the cat!'

'Hikaru, put Haruhi down!'

Hikaru, get out of the flower bed!'

'Hikaru, your brother does not want to wear a dress, so stop trying!'

'Hikaru, put the cake down!'

'Hikaru, stop harassing the maids!'

'Hikaru, the butler does not want to guess which twin you are!'

'Hikaru, your detentions are not caused by the teachers being zombies!'

'Hikaru, the goldfish did not commit sucide!'

'Hikaru, stop writing curse words on the wall!'

'Hikaru, stop trying to molest Kaoru before his wedding day!'

'Hikaru....are you reading a book?'

The twin looked up at their confused mother. 'I'm Kaoru, Mom.'

'Where's Hikaru?'

'On the roof planning world domination.'

'HIKARUUUUUUUU!'

He made sure she was gone, before swishing his fringe back to the other side. Hikaru grinned. Kaoru was going to have a rude awakening from his nap on the roof.....

Now.....world domination.......

-x-


	4. Does our hair resemble food too?

**_Oko- Yay! Jedward puns!_**

**_Bob-......some people don't know who they are...._**

**_Oko- Everyone knows Jedward!_**

**_Bob- (Eskimos don't...I think......maybe they are that famous.....?)_**

**_Oko- Also I don't own OHSHC OR JEDWARD! Okay?_**

**_Bob-........_**

**_Oko- And I am not in any way insulting my country in this! I love Ireland!_**

**_Bob-......she really loves sheep...._**

**_Oko- Heheh!_**

-x-

Kaoru was just walking into the room when he heard his brothers yelling...

Actually, now that he thought about it, it was probably meant to be singing....

He flung the door open, scaring the living day lights out of his older brother, causing him to fall off the bed. Kaoru grunted a 'shut up' at him, holding his hands over his ears comically. Hikaru scowled, flushing slightly at being caught out.

'You could've knocked....'

'Please don't sing. Ever.'

Hikaru smirked. 'Does my little Kao-chan no like his nii-sans singing?'

'No. Its real bad.'

Hikaru scowled. Kaoru smirked. 'What are you singing anyway?'

Hikaru looked down at the word sheet (gotten off the internet) for the song on his ipod. 'Dunno....its in some other launguge.....'

Kaoru sighed, ignoring his brothers protest as he whipped the sheet out of his hands. He looked at the sheet curiously, before handing it back to Hikaru. 'It's in English. I don't understand most of it though.'

Hikaru grinned. 'I know the words! So I can teach you!'

'(Did I say I wanted to learn?) But you don't understand it!'

'I can pronounce it! (Like those non-Japanese-speaking otaku-friends of Renge's who think they can sing in Japanese and cant)'

'........'

-x-

Around half an hour later, Haruhi came into the room (no one knows how the hell she got into their house). She was met by the twins singing tunelessly along with Hikaru's massive headphones (which they were sharing).

She blinked. 'What are you guys doing?'

'Singing!' they chourused.

_Is that what you call it?_ Haruhi pondered sarcastically. 'What exactly is it? (it sounds English....)'

The twins showed her the pointer fingers in unison, signalling her to shut the hell up. She zipped the lip impatiently.

'_We love this bit!_' they whispered, much too excited for what it was worth. She tapped her foot impatiently.

'_Here it comes!' _Kaoru whisper-squeeled.

They waved their fingers a bit in unison. The at exactly the same time......

'ICE ICE BABY!!!~'

They proceeded to roll around the bedroom laughing their asses off. Haruhi left them to it, muttering something about _I may be part of your world, but that does not mean I understand you......_

-x-

-In the land of sheep and leprechauns.....-

Two identical pineapple haired boys were sitting in a recording studio, struck dumb by the words of their next single. Their manager (yes _him_) was grinning at them, hoping that they liked the song that he stole from that random girls mp3. They were still trying to tell what language it was in.

'....uh...is this Japanese?'

Their manager nodded his head up and down excitedly. They blinked at the sheet a couple of times, before turning to eachother, and saying in unison....

'What the hell does _Sore Ga Bokura No Love Style _mean?!'

-x-


	5. Kyoya's over worked

**_Oko- heheh!_**

**_Bob- (should I tell her this chapter makes no sense?...no...she'll probably cry)_**

**_Oko- Enjoy!_**

-x-

It was an average day at the host club....or so Kyoya thought.

The twins were messing with Haruhi, Hunny was eating cake with Mori, and Tamaki was in his woe corner. Perfectly normal.....until

Tamaki jumped up, grinning from ear to ear. 'Lets sing a song!'

'No!' the twins said angrily, in unison. Tamaki went back to his corner of woe for a second or two before brightening up and singing anyway.

'THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD IS JUST AS OBSESSED! WITH WHO'S THE BEST DRESSED AND WHO'S HAVING-'

The twins put their hands over their ears, trying to block out the noise. Haruhi had disappeared.

'AND YOU STILL DONT HAVE THE RIGHT LOOK AND YOU DONT HAVE THE RIGHT FRIENDS!-'

'I don't have the right friends...' Kyoya muttered under his breath, also trying to drown out the noise by placing his hand over his ears.

'I'm with you there,' Hikaru grumbled. Kaoru blinked. 'B-but...I'm your friend...and....am I not right for you Hikaru?'

Hikaru gacked as Kaoru pulled the puppy dog eyes trick. 'I-I don't mean that-'

'Good!' Kaoru grinned. 'Just checking!'

The older twin grinned at his younger sibling, having thought of a new fangirl entertainment scheme.

'Can I check something else,' He murmered, leaning forward so his face was inches away from Kaoru's, 'Kao-chan?'

'Hikaru......'

All the girls passed out. The twins rolled around the floor laughing.

'They all passed out!'

'Is you acting all uke-ish actually that powerful?'

Kaoru stopped laughing and turned to his brother wide eyed. 'Acting? But my dear brother, I am an uke.'

Suddenly Kaoru was wearing a pink fluffy dress. Hikaru nearly collapsed laughing at his pouting brother.

Tamaki was still singing, and now Hunny had joined in and Mori was doing Caremell Dansen to it.

'HIGH SCHOOL NEVER ENDS! WOAH WOAH, WOAH WO WO WOAH, WO WO WO WOAH, WO WO WO WO, HEY!'

Kyoya was distraught, and just when he thought it couldn't get crazier (and worse for his business), Haruhi came back, Ranka in tow.

_Oh thank God! Someone to restore order!_

Then our dark lord realised that Haruhi was in a bikini and so was Ranka. They started doing the Lucky Star cheerleading routine.

Ranka....in ....a.....bikini......

'WARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!'

Kyoya woke up, panting, covered in a cold sweat. He gasped. It was all a dream!

'Sigh...,' he mumbled to himself, reaching for his glasses so he could make sure that there were no crossdressing twins under his bed. All clear....

'Sigh.....it must've been the curry last night....'

He never thought about the mixed Cd his sister got him that was on repeat on his ipod.....

-x-


	6. Hikaru's high

**_Oko- Yet another chapter finished!_**

**_Bob- (yet another failed nonsensical chapter finished)_**

-x-

The rain was lashing down. Kaoru was behind Hikaru, as the older Hitachiin buried his face in his hands. He looked across at his younger brother through gaps between his fingers, like a young child playing peek-a-boo.

'Why do I feel angry?' He asked Kaoru, 'Why do I feel like this when she talks about Tono like that?'

Kaoru smiled carefully at his older brother's naivety. 'You like her, Hikaru.'

Hikaru looked blank.

'You love her.'

Still blank.

'You love Haruhi as a woman.'

Nope, nothing.

'Hikaru, do you understand what this means?'

Nothing.

'Hikaru are you even listening to me?'

Hikaru looked his younger brother in the eye. Then went into fits of laughter. Kaoru pouted. 'What's so funny Hikaru?'

Hikaru looked at Kaoru seriously again, before laughing out, 'I love ze cakey!!!!'

'Hikaru.....are you high?'

'Nooooooooooooowohhhhohhhhhhh!' he stated, still in uncontrollable giggles.

Kaoru buried his face in his hands, as Hikaru pulled out the previously missing racoon from his pocket, by the legs and running around in circles, in the rain, chanting 'I GOTS HARUHI!!!! BEAT THAT TONO!!!!'

Haruhi, who had came over to ask the twins something, turned on her heel, and left the scene.


	7. Who you calling Fred and George!

**_Oko- (crying)_**

**_Bob- No matter how many times she reads that book, she cries at this part._**

**_Oko- (wailing) SIRIUS DIED!!!_**

**_Bob- Yes, The Order of the Phoenix. Probably why she wrote this chapter._**

-x-

Tamaki was between a rock and a hard place. The guests would be there in 15 minutes, and he hadn't thought of a cosplay yet! He didn't like having to stoop this low, but he had no choice.

He had to ask the twins for help.

'Hikaru! Kaoru!'

The two boys appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, their hands on their heads, salutation style.

'Yes boss?'

'Do you two have any idea for the cosplay today?'

The devils grinned, grabbing Haruhi by the hand, and placing her in between them.

Tamaki stared.

The twins then took out Haruhi's old glasses, and placed them on her. They then took out lipstick (where'd they get it? No one knows...) and drew a lightning bolt on her forehead.

Tamaki stared.

The twins took out three black capes and put them on themselves, and Haruhi too.

Tamaki stared.

Hunny and Mori walked in, Hunny in an owl costume, and Mori wearing a fake beard that trailed along the ground.

Tamaki stared.

Kyoya walked past them, a white mask covering his whole face.

Tamaki stared.

Renge ran past, after Kyoya, with her hair all curled, and a wand in one hand and a fat ginger cat under the other.

Tamaki stared.

Nekozawa went after Renge (because she had one of his many cats), carrying assorted potions.

A light bulb appeared magically over the king's head. 'Twilight!'

In unison, all the hosts facepalmed.


	8. They should just give it back

**_Oko- more randomness! ^^_**

**_Bob- (doesn't she have homework she could be doing? Thank God Yumi's getting back soon....)_**

**_Oko- ?_**

**_Bob- (oh, she doesn't own any of the artists mentioned below, or the songs, and sorry if the lyrics on the first one are a bit shakey)_**

**_Oko- ^^_**

-x-

Hikaru and Kaoru had stolen some poor girls MP3.....again. now they were laughing at her songs....

-x-

-_ Iyaz- Replay-_

_Shawtaii's like a melody in my head that a keep on singin got me like, na na na na every day, like my ipods stuck on replay replayyyyy_

Kaoru nodded. It was modern. He was surprised. He expected it to be all emo....thats what the teens listen to these days.

Hikaru looked exasperated. 'But if your ipod was stuck on replay, wouldn't you just buy a new one?!'

Kaoru smirked.

-x-

-_Chu chu lovely-Maximum the hormones-_

_Chu chu lovely muni muni mura mura purin purin boron nurururerrorero!_

Hikaru grinned. 'Its hyperrrrr!'

Kaoru looked across at him. 'You do know what they're saying right?'

Hikaru looked puzzled and listened closer. He caught a few terms and swiftly moved on to the next song....

-x-

_-High school never ends-bowling for soup-_

_Well the whole damn world is just as obsessed with who's the best dressed and who's having-_

'Physical love thats meant for married couples!' The twins chorused, cutting the song off. They then burst out laughing at their little impersonation of Tamaki.

-x-

_-ignorance-paramore-_

_Ignorance is your new best friend!_

Kaoru took one look at Hikaru and muttered, 'Too right...'

Hikaru looked at him teary eyed. 'I thought I was your best friend! Who's this ignorance person?!'

Kaoru ignored the fact that he'd meant ignorance was Hikaru's best friend, and the fact that Hikaru had just proved him right.

-x-

-...just guess....-

The twins simultaneously looked at the MP3 in awe. They hadn't expected this to be on it...

They turned to each other, pointed, and yelled, 'WHO YA GONNA CALL? GHOST BUSTERS!'

-x-


	9. Whalish is a word!

**_Oko- =)_**

**_Bob- Yes, this is a true story (sides the names of course)_**

**_Oko- =)_**

**_Bob- Do you do anything in school?_**

**_Oko- =)_**

**_Bob- (oh, by the way, the real event was in a normal English lesson, not grinds...)_**

**_Oko- =)_**

-x-

Kyoya stood at the top of the third music room. He had no idea why there were no customers and he had no idea why he was giving the rest of the host club grinds.

'For the sake of this fanfiction, I'm giving you English grinds,' Kyoya stated aimlessly.

Haruhi scowled. The twins tried to start a riot and failed. Tamaki retreated to his mushroom closet. Hunny and Mori wondered why the hell they weren't back in university.

'But I'm a scholarship student, I don't need grinds, especially not in English!' Haruhi exclaimed.

'B-but one of my best subjects is English!' Kaoru wailed.

Hikaru didn't comment, as neither of the above statements were true for him.

Tamaki was still in his corner. Mori and Hunny proceeded to drag him out and prop him up in one of the many magically appearing desks dotted around the room.

Kyoya sighed. Adjectives. 'Think of words to describe the sea.'

Tamaki got over excited easily. 'Ooh pick me sir ooh me me me me me!!!'

Kyoya sighed. 'Tamaki?'

'Blue!'

Kyoya sweatdropped. 'The most obvious one is blue...yes...'

Haruhi sighed and put up her hand. 'Rough, dangerous.'

Kyoya smiled, slightly evilly. 'Very good!'

Hunny grinned and put up his hand. 'It's wavy and and...um...cold and and....um....fun!'

Kyoya hmmed. 'Yeah, I guess...Mori?'

Mori was silent. Then he said, 'Polluted.'

Kyoya sweatdropped again. 'W-well...thats slightly dismal....I never knew you were an environmentalist....'

Mori pointed to his 'green schools committee' badge.

Kyoya sighed. It was unavoidable. 'Hikaru? Kaoru? Any suggestions?'

They grinned. 'Whalish!'

Kyoya stared. 'What??'

'Whalish-a term used to describe something infested by whales!' Kaoru reeled off. Hikaru sat there nodding.

Kyoya glared. 'Thats not a word.'

Kaoru shook his head. 'Its in the dictionary!' he pulled a dictionary from his sleeve and flicked to the page where 'whalish' was scrawled in at the bottom of one of the pages, with the exact definition Kaoru had just stated.

Kyoya glared at them again before moving on. 'Your house?'

The twins both put up there hands, eagerly and simultaneously.

'What is it this time?'

'Haruhi lives in a cardboard box!'

Haruhi got up and slapped them both across the face, then sat down again.

They didn't even notice. Kyoya yet again moved on. 'Describe your family.'

Hunny hugged Mori. Kaoru hugged Hikaru. Tamaki tried to hug Haruhi, she hit him, and he retreated to his corner of woe.

Kyoya was slightly depressed that no one hugged 'mommy'. Tamaki, reading his mind, got up and hugged him. That made Kyoya happy.

'Twins......'

'We're starfish!!!' they both yelled.

'Starfish?'

'Yeah, 'cause our dads a sponge and our moms a mermaid, so We're starfish!'

Kyoya just pretended that made sense. 'You two are very.....imaginative....'

The twins grinned. 'Ne, we're just random!'

_I wonder do they by any chance know some Irish people.....?_

_-x-_


	10. I guess he'll die

Hunny- I wonder.....does Kao-chan have the brains for both him and Hika-chan?

_Mori and Hunny look over at Kaoru and Hikaru. Kaoru is reading and Hikaru is staring into space with his gob open, catching flies (literally)._

Mori-....yes

Hikaru- (swallows a fly)

Kaoru- (looks up) Did you just swallow a fly?

Hikaru- Yeah.....

Kaoru- Why?

Hiakru- (spits) I don't know why.

Hunny- Why you swallowed a fly?

Kyoya- (calls over) He's gonna die

Kaoru- (doesn't like the prospect of his brother dying) Quick! Swallow a spider!

Mori- (grabs Hikaru and shoves some random poor spider down the kids throat) There.

Hikaru- (gulps) It.......its wiggling inside me....it tickles....

Kaoru- Did it catch the fly?

Hikaru- How the hell am I supposed to know?

Haruhi- (just walked in with Tamaki) What about getting the spider out?

Kaoru- Thats easy, swallow a bird. (hands Hikaru Pyro-chan, Mori's chick)

Hikaru- (scoffs) Swallow a bird? How absurd!

Haruhi- Do you wanna die?

Hikaru- (Swallows bird) Now how do I get rid of the bird?

Nekozawa- (Just walked in) What is going onnnnnn.....fufufufufufu, do you need....black magic?

Kaoru- Ne, we just need your cat. (Takes Nekozawa's cat and shoves it down Hikaru's throat)

Hunny- Imagane that! He swallowed a cat!

Nekozawa- My cat!!!

Hikaru- Ne, it was fat, thats that.

Tamaki- About the cat...

Kaoru- Swallow Antoinette!

Tamaki- Huh?!

Mori- (picks up Tamaki's dog and gives it to Hikaru to eat) There.

Tamaki- 0_0 My dogggggggg! Antoineetttttteeeeee!

Antoinette- Woof? (gets eaten)

Hikaru- Yum, dog.

'Tamaki- (screeching) You swallowed my dogggggg youuuuu hoggggggg!

Haruhi- And all because he swallowed a fly

Kyoya- And he's still gonna die.

Kaoru- We have no cows, so just swallow this random teapot.

Hikaru- (nearly dead and swallows teapot)

Kaoru- And the horses that you abused in episode 26 and chapter one

Hikaru- Of course....why didn't I think of a horse......(swallows horse and dies)

Kaoru- Huh? He died.

Kyoya- _Why the hell didn't you call a doctor?! _ I told you so

Kaoru- Shadddupppppp (slaps Kyoya)

Hunny-.....still think Kao-chan is smart?

Mori- I never said he was smart.....I just said he was compared to Hikaru.

Hunny- Welllllllll, Hika- chan **did **swallow all those animals (and the teapot!)

Mori- (ignores the fact that Hunny could eat twice that much in cake form)

-x-

_**Bob- Poor children.....their nursery rhymes.....ruined!**_

_**Yumi- I knowwwww this didn't make any sense, but it was funny spur of the moment thing, so yeah....**_

_**Oko- (had her nursery rhyme fantasies ruined and is crying in a corner)**_

_**Yumi- Sayounara! ^^'**_


	11. People like us are not allowed in!

The twins scowled a Kyoya. 'Senpaiiiiiiiii!'

He turned to look at them, his expression not changing. 'What?'

They were exasperated. 'Y-you cant let people like him in here!'

The dark lords glasses glinted. 'People like?'

'Bossanueva!'

'.....I dont follow.'

They sighed, pointing at the fangirls all swooning over him and Haruhi. 'You....you should throw people like him out!'

'People....who act gay?'

Without thinking, the twins yelled, 'Yeah!'

The next moment, The twins and Bossanueva were kicked out of music room 3.

'Ha ha, very funny senpai.......'

-x-

**_Oko- That was random!_**

**_Bob- You're always random._**

**_'Oko- =D_**

**_Yumi- This is when 'Bossanueva' designated Haruhi at the club, so you know. Sayounara! ^^_**


	12. That is not what I meant!

Hikaru and Kaoru glared over at the silent and loli-shota type. Ever since Hunny had got that cavity and that girl made the statement about them being special someones and what-not, all their fan girls were designating Hunny and Mori instead.

And the twins didn't like it.

'Look, thats our thing!' Kaoru whispered, outraged as the fan girls screamed over one hug.

'We have to do something!' Hikaru hissed.

'What?'

'I don't know! Do something gay and uke-ish!'

Kaoru sweatdropped. 'Um......okayyy......'

As quick as a flash, Kaoru wrapped his arms around Hikaru's neck and kissed him quickly.

He broke away.

Hikaru stared.

Kaoru stared.....at the floor. 'You told me to....'

Hikaru looked away, flushed. 'T-thats not what I meant......'

Renge and a few other fan girls glanced over.

'Renge-san.......do you think we missed an important scene?'

Renge pondered for a minute. 'Nah.....my otaku radar must be faulty.....'

-x-

_**Oko- Wah? That wasn't funny, that was cute!**_

_**Yumi- Ah, whatever......It just came to me...I had nowhere else to write it, and its amusing if you think about it....**_

_**Bob- (no it isn't!)**_

_**Yumi and Oko- Sayounara! ^^**_


	13. Seven is an odd number

Everyone was in their average positions for a host club meeting. The twins were standing to attention, Tono was pacing up and down the floor, Kyoya was making notes, Hunny was eating cakes, Mori was watching and Haruhi was trying to escape.

It wasn't that she usually tried to escape host club meetings. It was just, the nature of this one was unreal and sadistic and cruel and-

Kyoya sighed, snapping the notebook closed. 'There are seven of us.'

'And seven is,' Hikaru started. 'An odd number,' Kaoru finished.

Hunny's innocent demeanour dropped, showing an expression, not unlike the one he wore when he was woken. 'That means, someone has to go.'

Tamaki sat, crossing his legs, throwing his hand out to his subjects. 'That person is Harui Fujioka!'

Haruhi sighed, exasperated. 'Why do we have to get rid of me?'

'Because last in, is first out,' Kyoya stated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

'B-but why do we have to get rid of someone in the first place!?'

'Shippings,' Mori stated, shocking everyone.

'OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!' Renge laughed insanely, as her big...thing brought her up from the ground.

'Its very easy to explain,' she said, cackling. 'Seven people to pair up in relationships. One will be lonely! So, to stop that happening, we eliminate the least moe worthy one, which is you Haruhi!'

'Pairings?' Haruhi asked, exasperated.

To show their meaning, Tamaki glomped an unwilling 'Mommy', the twins latched onto each other, and Mori picked up a spoonful of cake and fed it to Hunny. Renge squealed with the moe of it all.

'So,' Kyoya said, his glasses glinting. 'Thats why you must die, Haruhi.'

'Why die? Why don't you just kick me out of the club?'

'That would be too obvious. A nice car accident should be sufficient,' Renge sighed.

Haruhi sweatdropped as the twins latched onto her. 'Or, you could always,' Kaoru started. 'Have a threesome with us?' Hikaru finished.

As Tamaki screamed about them violating his precious daughter, Haruhi wondered why she ever introduced them to the commoner site, ...

-x-

_**Oko- Sorry about not updating in so long!**_

_**Yumi- Yeah, writers block.**_

_**Bob- (for this story at least)**_

_**Yumi- Sayounara! (oh, and sorry for the Haruhi bashing!)**_


	14. Do a Fred and George on those eggs!

Hikaru and Kaoru were bored. They weren't very reasonable people when they were bored. So thats why they stole Haruhi's commoner food known as mini eggs, and tried to re-enact The Deathly Hallows...

So first they emptied the whole bag onto the table until they finally found to identical purple ones.

Then they each took one.

On the count of three, Hikaru swallowed his whole and Kaoru grazed his teeth along the top of his.

Haruhi sweatdropped. The twins grinned before stating, 'We did a Fred and George on those eggs!'

-x-

_**Oko- This was meant to be yesterdays chapter...**_

_**Yumi- And yesterdays chapter was supposed to be todays...**_

_**Oko- So instead of wishing you a happy Easter...**_

_**Yumi- Were wishing you a happy Easter Monday!**_

_**Bob- (sweatdrops)**_


	15. The misfit sibling team!

'We're the big brother team!' Hikaru yelled, jostling the nearly asleep racoon. Hunny looked at him, shovelling another spoonful of cake into his mouth.

'So Kao-chan and Kyo-chan are the little brother team?'

Hikaru nodded vigourously.

'So that leaves Haru-chan and Tama-chan on the only child team!'

Hikaru stared. It wasn't his plan to let Haruhi be on the same team as Tono! 'N-no!' he yelled, waving the racoon around so much that it flew out of his grasp and landed in Haruhi, who had just arrived, 's face.

'H-hikaru why is my face full of racoon?' she asked, exasperated at his behaviour. Thats when Hikaru noticed she'd brought Kaoru and Kyoya back with her. He grabbed hold of Kaoru, shoving him towards her.

'Keep him! Then you can join our Big sibling team!'

Haruhi shook her head. 'Kaoru is older than me. That would make me on the younger sibling team with Kyoya-senpai.'

Hikaru sweat dropped.

'And,' Kaoru butted in, 'Then I would be a big brother and a little brother...where would I go?'

'Um, you could go with Tono and make a misfit sibling team!'

Kaoru face palmed.

'Anyway, so I wouldn't dare leave Haruhi with the shadow king,' he declared, 'I'll be her big brother, so Kaoru can mind her on the little sibling team!'

'But Hikaru! I'm your twin, so that would still make me Haruhi's big brother!' Kaoru protested.

'Ugh! All my plans are turned down!!!' Hikaru cried exasperatedly.

'Not to dampen your already bad mood, Hikaru,' Kyoya started, 'But isn't that Haruhi and Mori in the closet doing God knows what over there?'

Hikaru fainted.

-x-

_**Yumi- Meh, I liked that episode, sayounara!**_


	16. We are not cosplaying!

_**Yumi- Warning, this chapter contains spoilers for The DS game, Gyakuten saiban 3 (Phoenix Wright ace Attorney Trials and Tribulations) and for chapter fifty something of the manga.**_

_**Bob- She also has no idea what colour Hikaru dyed his hair, sooooooo, she's just saying its black. And that Kaoru's is anime coloured.**_

_**Oko- ^^ Most of you will not get this chapter, so there will be another one updated soon!**_

-x-

The day after Hikaru dyed his hair black, Renge showed up again. Her initial reaction to the host club was her usual 'hohohohohohohohoohohoho!' self, but the minute she saw Hikaru, she stopped.

She stared, he glared back. Thats when she started to squeal.

'OMG YOU DYED YOUR HAIR BLACK THATS SO MOE THAT WAS IN SOMETHING....OOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!'

Hikaru cringed back in his seat as the otaku glomped him. 'Whats she talking about?!' he whispered frantically to a bemused Kaoru.

'I believe,' Kyoya began,' She is talking about _Gyakuten Saiban_? Does that name ring any bells?'

They thought for a moment, though it was slightly hard with a fangirling Renge glomping them. It hit Kaoru, 'Ah, you mean that court game? I think me and Hikaru played that once....But we couldn't really follow it...I think it was the third we started on?'

Renge was now squealing and jumping up and down. 'You two cosplay two?! I never knew! Now we can go to conventions together!'

Hikaru double took. 'No way, you flaming otaku you! HARUHIIIIIIIIII!'

Despite the fact that she was still annoyed about the fact that they had tried to kill her two chapters previously, she decided that it was too cruel to leave them in Renge's demonic grasp. 'I've played it. I thought it would be handy for lawyer stuff, but its all American based. Basically, what I think she's talking about is the twins in the game, Chinami and Ayame. She thinks you're cosplaying as them.'

'But we're not! The only thing different is Hikaru's hairrrrrrrrrr,' Kaoru wailed.

Kyoya shrugged. 'That is enough to cosplay. Chinami and Ayame have red and black hair also.'

'It also proves Hikaru's insinuation in episode five that Kaoru is a sadist,' the commoner informed them.

The twins sweat dropped, but didn't really say anything else about the fangirl until she stated, 'And this proves my assumption in episode 4 that Hikaru is secretly the submissive one!'

Hikaru froze, prying a mental Renge off of him. He stood slowly and faced the host clubs vice president. 'Do you know if there's any red hair dye anywhere?'

-x-

_**Yumi- Heh, that was my first reaction when he dyed his hair- jump up and down and yell that 'Hikaru's an ukeeeeeee!'**_

_**Oko- Yeah.....**_

_**Bob- Okayyyy....**_

_**Yumi- Sayounara! ^^ Please review!**_


	17. Oh em gee a circle!

'Aha!'

So the hosts heard that, a bang, a '!' and the sound of that weird machine and Renge popped up out of the ground. They all sweat dropped.

'Not you!'

'Flamin' otaku,' the twins muttered, still nursing the bruises from the previous chapter.

'I have a shocking revelation!' she exclaimed.

'We don't care,' they retorted.

'Hmph, well I'm going to tell you anyway!' she replied, waving her finger about.

'You see, I have discovered a timeless ring!'

'Ooh, like a fairy fort, Ren-chan?' Hunny asked excitedly.

'No.'

Hunny's face fell.

'Its like...a LOVE CIRCLE!!!'

They all face palmed. Last time it was a square. 'What do you mean,' Tamaki choked.

'I mean that Kaoru is in love with Hikaru, but Hikaru is in love with Haruhi, yet Haruhi is in love with Tamaki-Baka, and he's in love with Kyoya-senpai who's in love with Kaoru! It never ends!'

'It never ends!' the hosts copied, though they meant an entirely different thing.

'Ah! But Ren-chan, where are we?' Hunny asked timidly.

'You two aren't important enough to be counted.'

Hunny began to cry, and Mori comforted him silently.

'Sigh,' Kaoru sighed, 'It can even go anti-clockwise....'

Hikaru widened his eyes. 'Huh?'

'If I was in love with Kyoya-senpai (which I'm not), but he was in love with Tono (which he's not) and Milord here was in love with Haruhi (which he's too dumb to notice) and are friendly tanuki was in love with you (yeah right, sorry bro, its canon) and you were in love with me......'

'Oh em gee!' Hikaru proclaimed, 'I finally understand what anti-clockwise means!'

'......'

'....'

'...'

'Hey.....'

'Yeah?'

'What do you mean Haruhi doesn't love meeeeeeeeeeee!'

And so, the host club totally got off topic.....

-x-

_**Yumi- Random...**_

_**Oko- Huh? Whats cah-nonn?**_

_**Yumi- Dont ask me, I just heard TamaHaru was....**_

_**Oko- Hmph, Baka-Tono**_

_**Yumi- And anyway- Yay! Over 50 reviews!!!!**_

_**Oko- 0_o Thats a lottttttt**_

_**Yumi- The mostest!**_

_**Oko- Yay! (happy dance)**_

_**Yumi- We won 'Irelands got talent' with this (does happy dance)**_

_**Oko- Yay did we?**_

_**Yumi- No! (does happy dance)**_

_**Oko- Okay! (does happy dance)  
**_

_**Bob- (save me from these lunatics.....)**_


	18. Hikaru, you're adopted!

'Hey, Hikaru?' Kaoru said, really out of nowhere.

'Yeah?'

'I-I've been meaning to tell you this for a while....but....I-I...you....'

Hikaru blinked, placing his hands on his brothers shoulders. 'What? Whats wrong Kaoru?'

'I-I,' suddenly he straigtened up and looked his brother in the eye, almost sadistically, 'You and I aren't related. Mom adopted you.'

Hikaru's eyes widened as he processed the information. Then he freaked. 'OH EM GEE, I'VE BEEN LIVING A LIE?! YOU AREN'T MY TWIN?! OH EM GEE!!!!' and so on and so on

Kaoru grinned as Haruhi came to stand beside him, trying to talk over the noise Hikaru was making. 'Why did you tell him that? Its obviously not true, I mean, how could you not be related. You're identical.....'

'Well, he was dumb enough to fall for it...'

'You shouldn't blow his mind like that....'

Kaoru's mouth cocked up in a smirk. 'So you'd like me to blow your mind?'

Haruhi and anyone else who was around to hear this's mouths fell open. 'What....?!'

Except Hikaru. He was still freakin' out.

Kaoru's eyes widened as his gaze drifted across the room. 'A wall!!!' he ran over to the wall, trying to hug it.

Haruhi sweat dropped. 'Kaoru?'

'Shaddup, I'm trying to love this wall here!' he spat, before breaking out in a grin, 'You look like a raccoon!'

Suddenly the room was slightly more silent. It took them all a few moments to realize that the sudden quiet was because Hikaru had shut up.

'Guys?' he muttered, 'Where is my drugs from chapter 6?'

Kaoru giggled insanely before running into a door. All the other hosts face palmed.

-x-

_**Yumi- (lets try it out!) Oko, you're adopted!**_

_**Oko- 0_0**_

_**Bob-(thats not possible, she's you!.....and you're not adopted...)**_

_**Yumi- Kids are so gullible......**_

_**Bob- (lets try that out) Hey Yumi, a French guy is jumping around in a pink tutu throwing croissants at those neighbourhood kids you're scared of.....**_

_**Yumi- 0_0 REALLY!?**_

_**Bob- no**_

_**Yumi- *emo corner***_


	19. You only know the difference

As Haruhi walked into the room, the twins signalled each other. It was time to put their plan into action! Haruhi surpressed a sigh as they sauntered up to her, each placing a hand on one of her shoulders. 'Hey, Haruhiiii!'

She nodded towards Hikaru, 'Hey Hikaru,' and to Kaoru, 'Hey Kaoru'

The twins looked down, with well masked snickers. 'What did you call us?'

'Your names?' she said, raising an eyebrow.

'Wrong way around Haru~hi!' they chorused in total sync.

She smiled. 'Guys, I can tell you apart, I've told you numerous times, accept it!'

'Nuh uh, we clowned you!' they smirked.

She blinked, confusedly. 'Huh?'

'Who you thought was Hikaru,' one started. 'Was actually Kaoru and visa versa!' the other finished.

'Wait, what?!'

'Hikaru is the younger, and more emotionally mature one, while Kaoru is....well, not.' One stated.

Haruhi stared. They stared back. She blinked. They grinned. She broke into a smile and chuckled slightly. 'Oh ha ha, very funny, you got me.'

They looked confusedly at her. 'Haruhi, how can you be sure we're joking?'

She blinked. 'Wait, you're not?'

One waggled his finger. 'Thats for us to know, and you to-?' he was cut of by the other, 'NEVER find out! Sorry Haruhi~i!'

She sighed, exasperated. Her head hurt so bad...

The laughed, turning away. 'Cause Haruhi~i! You know the differences between us? So what? You still don't know which is which!'

Haruhi was going to need therapy.....

-x-

_**Yumi- Hmm.....more a drabble than anything else really....**_

_**Bob-.....all of these are drabbles**_

_**Yumi- Shaddup, sayounara!**_

_**Bob- No, reply to the anon people you never replied to**_

_**Yumi- 0_0 forgot, sorry **_

_**Kao-kao- Aw, I thought Hika made a good uke once in a while....once in a while though........meh, Kaoru is better though. **_

_**(: AWESOME SMILEY GIRL **____**- 0_0 you we're in a coma though! Ah well, a lot of people (aka, everyone) would leave me there too, you're not alone....wait, IS school illegal for under 18's? Hope so! **_

_**Thanks for the reviews! And sayounara! ^^**_


	20. Butler me thinks

'Boys~' Mr. Hitachiin yelled, prancing into the room. The twins looked up from their video game and back at the screen again.

'Yeah?'

The older man hopped up and down excitedly. 'I got my spy license today! I'm now 195!'

'Thats great,' the two boys muttered.

'Do you have any black clothing I could wear?'

'Mom does.'

'Thank you! Do you by any chance have that new James Bond movie?'

Kaoru pointed over to a stack of DVDs, not breaking his gaze from the screen. The man skipped over, found the DVD and skipped back to the doorway again. 'Thanks for the support you two!' he gushed, prancing away.

'Hikaru?'

'Yeah?'

'Who was that?'

'Butler, I think....'

-x-

**_Yumi-...no idea.._**

**_Bob- That makes two of us_**

**_Yumi- To AWESOME SMILEY GIRL, Heh, I like Kaoru better than Hikaru personally, but thats my opinion....Oko is in the middle of being a plot device in At sixes and seventeens and will be back shortly._**

**_To Misstress Mellon Pie, heh, I know! Us kids are so easy to fool ^^'_**

**_Thanks for the reviews_**


	21. Mommy and Daddy are doing bad stuff!

Haruhi was hoping for a normal day at the host club. By normal, she meant getting groped, harassed, and having money added to her debt, but at least stuff like that was normal for the eccentric club. She didnt count on having the Hitachiin twins running into the room, sobbing and hanging on to her.

Actually bawling.

'Haruuuuuuuhhiiiiiiiiii Oneeeeeeee-chaaaaaaaan!' the wailed, latching on like leeches.

'What guys?'

'Mommy and Daddy are doing questionable things in the changing room!!!'

She was puzzled. 'What are your parents doing in the host club?'

Just then, Kyoya, who was straightening up his tie, and a distreesed Tamaki, who looked like he was about to cry, appeared from the changing room.

Haruhi smiled, ignoring the cowering twins behind her. 'Kyoya-senpai, did you see mr. and mrs. Hitachiin wile you were in there?'

He blinked, adjusting his glasses. 'No, I did not have the pleasure.'

The twins shot her a look, saying, _I cant believe you're meant to be smart._

__Tamaki was still recovoring.

Haruhi was confuddled for the umpteenth time

-x-

_**Yumi- ^^ As requested, Kyoya**_

_**Bob- And to AWESOME SMILEY GIRL- Yes, she watched it. She's still laughing.**_

_**Yumi- Heh, French toast**_

_**Bob- (she would also appreciate people to look at her poll on her profile about what story to do next. Its bugging her.)**_

_**Yumi- Sayounara!** **And thanks for the reviews!**_


	22. kyoya is a professional

**_Yumi- Sick....._**

**_Bob-...uh, why are you writing then?_**

**_Yumi-....I....I wont have time otherwise....school and stuff...._**

**_Bob- But you always write._**

**_Yumi- Shut it....I've a headache...._**

**_Bob- Maybe thats the computers fault?_**

**_Yumi- =( this chapter is rushed, it sucks, but whatever, I'm tired...._**

**_ADDED A/N!_**

**_Yumi- AWESOME SMILEY GIRL- why wouldn't people do a request? Its simple enough, and the reviewer will be happy, so why ignore it. Dont get the point honestly.... Oko became a plot device of her own accord, because it was seemingly unfair that I got to be one previously. Thanks for the review, and sayounara!_**

-x-

'So,' one of the twins, Kasanoda wasn't quite sure which, started.

'How much of Haruhi's skin that even we haven't seen, did you see?'

'Ww-w-w-w-w-well sh-he was changing a-a-and I guess I-I saw her in h-her u-u-u-u-underwear?'

The two blew up. 'YOU SAW HARUHI IN HER UNDERWEAR?!"?!"?'

'Thats it, Kaoru, you hold him while I beat him so hard he forgets everything!' presumably Hikaru yelled.

'Aye aye!' the other replied, grabbing Kasanoda's arms and yanking them behind his back as the other took out a bat and aimed.

'Stop it you two,' Kyoya's voice was a saivor to Kasanoda.

He was just about to stammer a thank you when Kyoya made it clear that he wasn't finished.

'Leave assult and battery to the professionals,' he finished.

Kasanoda didn't have time to wonder what he meant by that, because the shadow king had took Hikaru's bat and had began to wallop him.


	23. Reasons

Hikaru wasn't talking much. In fact, Kaoru was talking more than him, which seemed like a miracle. Haruhi knew something wrong. 'Hikaru?' she asked, worriedly, leaning in to him, 'You okay?'

Said twin blushed furiously, stumbling away from her, stammering, and blurted, 'I-I'm hot, I have to go to the bathroom!' and ran out the door.

Haruhi blinked. 'Hikaru is being awfully strange this morning,' she pondered to Kaoru, 'Why would he have to go to the bathroom because he was hot?'

Kaoru smirked. 'I can think of so many reasons.'

Poor Haruhi, ever innocent, was confused, as per usual.

-x-

**_Yumi- From the manga, chapter 51 or something?_**

**_Bob-....well that was suggestive...._**

**_Yumi-....I dont get it myself. My friend brought that point up...so yeah_**

**_Bob- You officially are too innocent...._**

**_Yumi-? Anyway, AWESOME SMILEY GIRL- Heh, hate when stuff gets deleted....that happened to me with a 1000 word chapter...I was so annoyed.....I_**_**'m better now anyway ^^' **_

_**Shadow queen- Nope, Fred and George are Rons twin brothers in Harry Potter. They have red hair too, so you know.....*pulls out team Kaoru t-shirt* wahey! Agreed! I'm not sure what this has to do with robots.....and I thought Kaoru stole that crack? He was framed!!!**_

_**Thanks for the reviews!**_

_**Bob- also, her keyboard is broken and adds random numbers in with her letters, so if you see any or know how to fix it, please tell us.**_

_**Yumi- Sayounara!**_


	24. The cycle continues

5 year old Haruki looked up at her now cross dressing blonde father, who was putting on make up in the mirror. Mommy better be doen with her errand to god soon. Haruki couldnt take much more of this.....

He turned to her, his eyes shining. 'Haruki!" Do yo think I look pretty?'

Haruki stared before replying bluntly, 'No, I'll cook tonight,' and walking off, leaving a depressed Tono in her wake.

And the cycle continued.....

-x-

_**Yumi- yeah, random, and YAY TONO'S A CROSS DRESSER!**_

_**Bob- *sweatdrop***_

_**Yumi- to shadow queen- heh, we all have those moments.....you had one too! Bob! Its your name buddy!**_

_**Bob- (save me)**_

_**Yumi- thanks for the reviews! And sayounara!**_


	25. why didnt she do that!

Haruhi had just stumbled up[on the host club when looking for a place to quietly read. Of course she ended up getting taunted harassed by the host club and knocking over an incredibly expensive vase. Sigh.

Tamaki smirked, sitting on his big chair and flinging his finger towards her. 'How are you going to pay for that?'

Haruhi blinked, adjusting her glasses before pulling out a small camera. They all blinked as a smirk grew across her face. 'I'm not paying for anything.'

Kyoya sighed, snapping his book shut. 'Oh but you will, you see-?'

'No, you see,' she said, cutting him off, 'I have proof,' she waved the camera, 'Of gay incest,' she pointed at the twins, 'Stalking,' pointing at Kyoya, 'And sexual harassment against a helpless girl!' she finished, pointing dramatically at a shocked Tono.

They all blinked, staring at the camera. She laughed out loud, slightly menacingly. 'Still gonna make me pay for that?'

-x-

_**Yumi- why didnt she do that?**_

_**Bob- because she's dumb**_

_**Yumi- Huh, explains it. Shadow Queen, I dunno, Bob! Are you ashamed to be her name buddy?**_

_**Bob- (emo glare)**_

_**Yumi-....? uh......thats just scary.....llamaswithhats90, sorry! It'll have to end at some stage! Bu8t not any time soon hopefully! ^^**_

_**Bob- did you answer any other named reviews?**_

_**Yumi-.....I actually cant remember, sorry if I didn't! But thank you for all the reviews people are giving me! The hundereth reviewer gets a priiiiiize!**_

_**Bob- you have to get 13 more.**_

_**Yumi- sayounara!**_


	26. Ouran add science equals species mix up!

'I freakin' love this raccoon,' Hikaru stated, holding the animal over his head, cooing at it.

Kaoru blinked and ignored the nagging thought at the back of his head. Mori watched Hikaru in unshown surprise. Hunny blinked in confusion before turning back to his cake. Tamaki wasn't there to do anything and Haruhi was doing her homework and frankly didnt care. For some reason, Kyoya wasn't there either.

God only knows what the two if him and Tono were doing if they were in each others company.

'I really like this raccoon!' Hikaru exclaimed again, throwing Mori's pet in the air.

This time, Mori got up and took his animal from the older twins grasp, much to his protests.

'Hey! I was playing with the raccoon!'

Mori stared a moment before replying in a monotone, 'Piyo-chan doesn't like you.'

Kaoru finally began to roll around laughing. 'T-tanuki-san and P-piyo-chan aren't e-even the same vertebrate and you mixed them u-up!'

Hikaru blinked, trying to understand. 'When did you become a botanist?'

Kaoru whacked his head off a table. _What has this got to do with plants?_

_-x-_

**_Yumi- yes, this is what happens when you're just starting to study for a science summer test you have in two days, yet need to write a chapter too._**

**_Bob-...raccoons and chickens are nothing alike!_**

**_Yumi- to shadow queen- =_=...so many random reviews...well, I guess you are my hundredth reviewer (I wonder how that happened?) so you can ask me to qrite you something, or draw you something, your choice. So?_**

**_And to mel, I know, but thats what I would'a done..._**

**_And to Llamas with hats90, 0_o' the whole thing? Woah...lot'ta paper...yeah, the host club wouldn' exist without the stuff that could easily be avoided, huh?_**

**_Thank you to all my reviewers who have given me 100 FREAKIN' REVIEWS in total and I am so grateful and proud and...YAY!_**

**_Oh, and no more chapter until June 4th, bet that sucks huh? Sucks for me too, 'cause I have stupid exams...=_= ugh...why don't I pay attention, do my homework instead of making fun of the teachers and drawing bob-a-jobbin' on my geography book..._**

**_Bob- (who magically got revived after I-luv-my-blue-pillow killed him *totally unrelated*) Thats your own fault, I told you to do that instead of doodling that abomination. (and your authors notes are longer than the chapter...)_**

**_Bob-a-jobbin'- Whoooooooooop!_**

**_Yumi- =_= Sayounara, have to go do SCIENCE! *does Ema Skye pose* ^^'_**


	27. Hikaru almost had Haruhi

It was after school, yet Hikaru and his brother were still in the host club, after all them had already gone home. Tamaki and Haruhi had confessed to each other a mere hour before, and, you guessed it, Hikaru was depressed. So he did what any depressed teenager would do. Drink himself stupid while parodying American songs.

_I've just gotten drunk after school at sixteen,_

_After watching Tono make out with the host club queen,_

_Who'll never go on to be miss anything,_

_Unless she hits a growth spurt before she's thirty,_

_When I saw you two together I just ran away_

_Now I get why Kyoya keeps the sake locked away_

_I almost had you,_

_But now I'm just a stupid drunk,_

_I almost had you,_

_(listed) __**Until I left you out in the rain, in the middle of a storm, in a church, insulted your house, compared you to several woodland animals, compared you to commoner washing methods, faked injury to get you to dance with me, left you at school at night, perved you up, scared you over hair damage, salted your cookies, made you believe you were cursed, molested you, stole your lunch, bribed you, dyed my hair black, caused you grief and hassle, tried to kill you (Kaoru- 0_o, Hikaru- oh...never told you about my sadistic phase did I...heh heh, Oh look the third verse!)**_

_Now I go thinkin' 'bout all the things I shouldn't have done,_

_I need a fork lift 'cause Mori knows my baggage weighs a ton,_

_I know we had our problems,_

_I mean, I just listed them all,_

_I almost forgot to say something else,_

_I wonder if you really got it when I confessed,_

_I should'a wrote a song about you today,_

_But instead I made a parody of one that was written anyway,_

_I almost had you,_

_But I guess that doesn't cut it,_

_I almost had you,_

_And I would'a never known it,_

_If Kaoru hadn't told me,_

_Out in the rain,_

_Other than that my love for you,_

_Would'a be still hid away,_

_By then it was too late,_

_Now you and Tono are out on a date..._

He stopped slurring and began to sob into his glass, which Kaoru swiftly took away from him, and began to drink it before it got salty with tears. Hikaru looked up, tears still obvious in his amber eyes. 'Hey...why are you drinking? You aren't that depressed, you gave her up ages ago...'

Kaoru took another swig before replying in a slur, 'I wan'ed to fit in...'

-x-

_**Yumi- Parody of 'almost' by bowling for soup.**_

_**Bob- You skipped the 2nd verse (and Hikaru never tried to kill her!)  
**_

_**Yumi- Dont care. To Shadow Queen- I'm working on your request now...but this isnt it...yeah, exams suck real bad...but they're over now! And sayounara! ^^**_

_**ADDED A/N**_

_**Yumi- oh, sorry if I didnt reply to some of the reviews...I dont know who I replied to and who I didnt...sorry again, and yet again, sayounara! ^^  
**_


	28. What if a blind guy married a teapot?

Hikaru- hey Kaoru

Kaoru- what?

Hikaru- imagine this guy right, was blind

Kaoru- (sighs) yes, a blind guy

Hikaru- and he was arranged to marry a woman, but got married to a teapot instead

Kaoru- (wth look)

Hikaru- and years later became...well, unblind, and realized he was married to a teapot the entire time!

Kaoru- (imagining scenarios)

-chat up lines-

Blind guy- babe, you're hot and I'm lucky to be married to you

Teapot- (teapot sounds)

Blind guy- (touches her and gets scalded) Yowch, you're hot literally...

-fighting-

Blind guy- (complaining) why do you always make me tea for my lunch? All the guys at work laugh at me with their sandwiches and me with my flask...I wan' a ham sandwich!

Teapot- (makes teapot noises)

-after fight-

Blind guy- (to friend) she's mad...I know it...look at her, blowing off steam...

Friend- (sweatdrops)

-back with the twins-

Kaoru-...you should be an author...

Hikaru- (unadulterated grin)

-x-

**_Yumi- randomosity!_**

**_Bob- (weak cheer)_**

**_Yumi- and Shadow quees forgave you, isn't that great?_**

**_Bob- (heavy sarcasm) yeah_**

**_Yumi- shadow queen- your request is going to be split into two chapters instead and they will be the next two, okie dokie? _**

**_To Mel, Kaoru rocks!_**

**_To Claire and her dog, as you wrote that you were beside me, not eating chocolate and gravy! And your dog wasn't there either! But I appreciate the review._**

**_Thanks for the reviews, and sayounara!_**


	29. For shadow queen 1

**_Yumi- (smile) I did it for you Shadow queen!_**

**_Bob- she's only mentioned once_**

**_Yumi- shaddup Bob; you're so mean to our lovely reviewers (whom I graciously thank) _**

-x-

**For shadow queen-**

It was quiet. Too quiet. Haruhi, the host club's raccoon, should've known it wouldn't stay like that for long. That something crazy would happen that would mean her being run around the place for the morons she called her friends. She should've known it!

'Haruuuuuuuhiiiiiii!' came the yell of the twins, and the silence was ruined, expectedly.

'What?' came the mono tone reply.

'W-w-w-we...wahhhhh!' the boy with his hair parted to Haruhi's right wailed...in Kaoru's voice.

'What happened?' she proclaimed, shocked.

'This fan girl by the code name _shadow queen _came in and, with Nekozawa-senpai's curse book,' the boy with his hair parted to the left with Hikaru's voice stopped for a dramatic pause, 'made us switch bodies!'

'So? You two are identical. No one but us will know any the wiser,' Haruhi claimed.

'B-but when I have a shower, I'll be seeing Kaoru naked!'

'Uhm, normally, if either of you looked in a mirror naked you'd see each other naked; you're mirror images.'

The one with- a feck it, one of them looked disgusted while the other looked intrigued, as if trying to come to terms about whether or not he would try that when everything was back to normal. The disgusted one then said, 'are you insinuating that we get our kicks from looking in the mirror naked?'

Haruhi nodded. 'I wouldn't put it past you; Kaoru maybe, but I can definitely imagine Hikaru doing something like that.'

The intrigued one, who we now know is Hikaru, grinned, 'thanks for giving me that idea!'

The other, Kaoru, turned to him, 'thats not weird at all...'


	30. For shadow queen 2

**_Yumi- the following contains spoilers for the anime of 'sukisyo'_**

**_Bob- don't pretend you readers don't know what he was doing..._**

**_Oko- I don't!_**

**_Bob- thats typical_**

**_Yumi- to shadow queen- ^^' thanks_**

**_And thanks you everyone for the reviews!_**

-x-

Hikaru and Kaoru were staring in utter shock at their massive humongous rich person's television. To make up for cursing them, Shadow Queen decided to give them tips on how to make better freeze frames by giving them a anime box set.

It was called 'suki na mono wa dakara shouganai', otherwise known as 'sukisho/sukisyo' and apparently had some stuff they could use in their act. It was quite interesting; d.i.d references, humor without comedy, scary maths teachers (not that the twins knew anything about teachers since they never seemed to go to class...).

Then, after many hours in front of the telly, they reached episode ten.

_'-and I always felt Hashiba beyond Yoru...'_

_'Fujimori...'_

_Hashiba leaned in closer..._

Hikaru's mouth fell open in a 'oh'. 'No wonder the blue haired one always acts strange... HE'S A VAMPIRE!'

Kaoru gave him the look. You know that look, don't pretend you dont!

'What else could he be doing to Nao's neck?'

Kaoru didn't correct him.


	31. Stop the parodies!

Hikaru and Kaoru were still drunk from chapter twenty seven. They had no idea how either of them ended up in the commoner's supermarket buying milk and maple syrup. All they knew was that they were far too bored for the good health of anyone and the line was taking forever. So Hikaru did a really logical thing. He decided to parody the missing second verses of 'almost'.

_So now I'm held up at the grocery store_

_Who knew commoner lines were this freakin' long_

_I just got pissed and picked a fight with a clerk_

_But she sent me to the back 'cause I was being a jerk_

_And I knew I should'a left the butler to pay_

Kaoru- _what does this have to do with the rest anyway?_

Hikaru growled, 'Kaoru, don't interrupt my singing!'

Kaoru laughed, 'thats what you call it? Anyway, why cant you sing some other song for once?'

Sadly, Hikaru was an angry drunk and took that as an insult and began to yell, 'OH! So you'd rather me sing 'smoothie king'? _Love songs suck and fairytales aren't truuuuuue!'_

Kaoru burst into tears. The clerk came over and slapped Hikaru again and sent him to the back, once again...

-x-

**_Yumi- you think the parodies are over? Think again! Mwahahahaha!_**

**_Bob- yes...she has part three of this tomorrow, just wait..._**

**_Yumi- (super Renge pose) to shadow queen- nope, its naive...and yes, he is! Thanks for the review! Sayounara!_**


	32. Hikaru wants a girlfriend?

_**Bob- not the parodies!**_

_**Yumi- yes the parodies!**_

_**Oko- =D bowlig for soup- next ex girlfriend**_

_**Yumi- or should we say, 'I wish I had a girlfriend**_

_**Oko- to shadow queen- ^^' if we do millions, then we'd run outta ideas...but its going on for a bit longer so...here you go! thanks for the review!**_

_**Yumi- sayounara!**_

-x-

Hikaru was depressed. He had picked another fight with the same poor clerk and she'd called the manager and had him kicked out. So now he was on the street, waiting for Kaoru to come out with the maple syrup and milk to him. And he got bored again. And he parodied...again. oh Lord make him stop!

_So I guess I thought your dad was your mom or maybe even your sister_

_As it turned out it was neither_

_Before we were messin' around and we left you with him_

_That was the biggest mistake ever_

_You're gone now, and I'm feeling, dang left out._

_'cause sooner or later I'll be old, old_

_I know I'm immature, but you want me like that (right?)  
_

_But (come on) all he wants to do is waste his time on romance_

_And he got a girlfriend_

_Wish I had a girlfriend_

_Life isn't a fairytale, I'd even take a girl from hell (Renge :D)_

_Letting you go was my biggest mistake_

_Now I don't have a girlfriend_

_I want a girlfriend..._

_I even brought you to the dance, but I guess Kaoru was there too_

_It wasn't like it was just me and you_

_But now you and Tono are on the website, the whole Goddamn world knows_

_And my parents think I'm a homo_

_You're gone now, and I'm feeling, dang left out._

_'cause sooner or later I'll be old, old_

_I know I'm immature, but you want me like that (right?)_

_But (come on) all he wants to do is waste his time on romance_

_And he got a girlfriend_

_Wish I had a girlfriend_

_Life isn't a fairytale, I'd even take a girl from hell (Renge :D)_

_Letting you go was my biggest mistake_

_Now I don't have a girlfriend_

_I want a girlfriend..._

_No Kaoru, I don't wanna cat_

_No not a dog, leave it at that_

_I just wish you'd come back_

_I know I'm immature, but you want me like that (right?)_

_But (come on) all he wants to do is waste his time on romance_

_And he got a girlfriend_

_Wish I had a girlfriend_

_Life isn't a fairytale, I'd even take a girl from hell (Renge :D)_

_Letting you go was my biggest mistake_

_Now I don't have a girlfriend_

_I want a girlfriend..._

Cue inane sobbing once again...sighs...


	33. The commoners are at the bins again!

'Kaoru?' Hikaru pondered, 'whats that noise coming from the garden?'

'Oh don't mind it, it's just the commoners at the bins again,' he brushed off, pointing a flashlight out the window as if to prove it. A certain boyish commoner looked up at the light, hissing as it hurt her eyes and bounded over the garden wall in to Bob Dylan's garden

Kaoru sighed, shaking his head sadly as his brother stared out the window in shock. 'Poor things, they do it to survive...but we need to put up some barriers. I mean, cant they go annoy that Simon Cowell one for once? It's always us...'

The next night, the barriers went up.

The day after, at school, Haruhi came into class, her hair standing on end more than usual, her uniform singed and her face black and burnt. 'Rich bleeps and their freakin' high volt electric fences,' she grumbled, plonking down in her seat.

-x-

_**Yumi- thank you everyone who gave me ideas after the last chapter, and I'll use them after this and the net chapter I have written already.**_

_**Bob- go away**_

_**Yumi- then who would write this story?**_

_**eVILComPuTeR- ME!**_

_**Yumi- sweatdrop. okayyyy. To shadow queen, ayup, Renge is the female devil anyways...**_

_**to jas-chanxouran, ayup, thats a good idea! Thanks! ^^ **_

_**Oko- woah 0_o over 150 reviews...**_

_**Bob- how. the. hell. did. that. happen! (and the a/n is longer than the chapter again!)**_

_**Yumi- dunno, but thank you! and sayounara! ^^**_


	34. Deja vu, anyone?

Tamaki had to do it again. He had to ask the twins for cosplay advice. When he asked them, they once again, made him guess, by dressing people up, one by one, almost like chapter seven, except...sorta backwards...

First the twins grabbed Haruhi, placing the wavy wig on over her boy cut. They smiled at Tamaki expectantly.

He just stared.

Then, Kaoru leaned over to Hikaru, dusting his face with white powder at the same time as he placed a disturbed expression on his own face. They smiled at Tamaki expectantly.

He just stared.

Kaoru dusted the powder over his own face, calling Mori over, handing him a baseball and dusting his face similarly. They smiled at Tamaki expectantly.

He just stared.

Kyoya came over, growling death threats as Kaoru and Hikaru offered him the powder and frilly apron and wig. They smiled at Tamaki expectantly.

He just stared.

Renge skipped along, already whitened and wearing a short black wig, using it as an excuse to cling on to a reluctant Kaoru's arm. They smiled at Tamaki expectantly.

He just stared.

Hunny ran over yelling, 'what can I do Kao-chan? Huh huh?' and was quickly given bat wings and antenna as the twins ignored the small seniors protests that he wasn't a real character. They smiled at Tamaki expectantly.

Tamaki grinned. 'Harry Potter!'

They all face palmed. Déjà vu anyone?

-x-

_**Yumi- deja vu?**_

_**Bob- hell yeah**_

_**Oko- to shadow queen- yes, darn that Simon Cowell**_

_**to jaz-chanxouran- thanks ^^'**_

_**Yumi- thanks for all the support for this story! sayounara! ^^**_


	35. Hika got a girlfriend?

'Hey Hikaru!' Kaoru yelled over to his twin. Hikaru turned around sourly.

'What?'

'Me and Haruhi and even Tono felt real bad for you since you don't have a girlfriend and all,' he said, 'so we made you one!' he held up a balloon with a wig and marker drawn expression of utter horror, 'do you like her?'

Hikaru was mesmerised as he looked at the balloon and the balloon looked back and he imagined all the good times he could have with his new girlfriend and-

Kyoya got a pin and burst it. Hikaru fell to the ground, holding his late girlfriends body in his hands, sobbing shouting _why why whyyyyyyyyy!_

'That was my revenge for chapter two,' the shadow king replied curtly, 'to Hikaru, his late _girlfriend_, to Kaoru, because his two seconds blowing that thing up are two seconds he'll never get back.'

'But I was the one that blew it up,' Tamaki complained. No one listened. He went to his emo corner. But then came out again, happy probably that he had finally got a chance to have dialogue again! Then he remembered he had had dialogue in the last chapter. Then he went back to the corner.

Hikaru was still sobbing over the flat balloon.

-x-

**_Yumi- idea credited to KandHforever (I took your 'blow up in his face' comment veryyyyy seriously...*evil cackle*)  
_**

**_Oko- ^^ to shadow queen- ayup, his stupid is contagious...the twins will have to save Haruhi before she gets a permanent dose of it..._**

**_To jas-chanxouran- ? no one has ever got to one hundred chapters? *goes off to brainstorm ideas*_**

**_Yumi- thanks for the reviews people! Sayounara!_**

**_Bob- (locked in closet for slowing down the randomness)_**


	36. Tut tut tut Tono!

'Heeeeeeeey Tono!' the twins chorused, strolling up to a depressed-as-usual-because-daughter-wouldn't-wear-a-frilly-dress-for-her-not-quite-father Tamaki.

'Yeah,' he mumbled, head in his hands.

'We like you.'

He looked up, smiling innocently. 'Yay, the boys like daddy!'

'No-woah, we really like you,' Hikaru clarified.

'Love you in fact,' Kaoru continued.

'Love us too, Tono?' they asked in unison.

Tamaki looked from twin to twin suspiciously. They were pulling puppy dog eyes on him, Hikaru wringing his hands as a blush stained Kaoru's cheeks. Not that baka-Tamaki knew which twin was which, so you know.

Not wanting to hurt their feelings, Tamaki replied slowly, 'I….love you guys too…'

The effect was not what he was expecting, he had received countless confessions of love, and when you get their hopes up they're meant to look relieved…not sadistic…but then again this was the twins….maybe they had a different way of dealing with stuff like that…

This was proved wrong once Hikaru yelled, 'Haruuuuuuuhi, Tono's cheating on you!'

Haruhi walked over, shaking her head in dismay. 'Tamaki…I'm ashamed of you…after everything, I guess you're still a player underneath it all,' she sighed sadly, turning away as Tamaki turned to stone.

The twins ducked in, each kissing Tamaki's burning cheeks. 'You should listen to Cobra Starship instead of those lame samurai theme songs,' thy whispered in each of his ears, before skipping off, arm in arm with an annoyed-at-stupid-king raccoon look-alike.

Tamaki was left sitting there, speechless as he was glomped by unloved fangirls squealing about the moe of it all.

-x-

**_Yumi- Here's Tamaki getting pranked sorta by the twins. Sorry for the lack of updates. My laptop is busted and I'm writing this off my limited time on my Mum's computer that is slightly evil…(remember him?)_**

**_Bob- sighs…she's going so crazy that she's drawing comics for her fanfictions…_**

**_Yumi- at sixes and seventeens specifically. I'm that bored. Might upload on deviant art if I get bored-er or access to a scanner_**

**_Oko- To AWESOME SMILEY GIRL- yeah…Kaoru doesn't have a girl, (though baka-tono was presumably going out with Haruhi in it) and I'll pass the message ooooooon!_**

**_To Shadow queen- Awesome smiley girl wants to know who your favourite ouran character is. And I'm sure Hikaru could get a lot of use out of a balloon…he's like that…_**

**_To jas-chanxouran- ayup, he's awfully obsessd with revenge…._**

**_Yumi- thanks for the reviews! (man I got lie, 12 for that chapter…woah…) And sayounara!_**


	37. Hunny's innocence

Hunny sighed. 'I wonder when Kao-chan will get it...'

As if on cue, the door to the third years assembly swung open, revealing a panting Kaoru Hitachiin, grinning with his arms open wide. 'Hunny-senpai, Hunny-senpai, Hunny-senpai! I-I was _wrong_!

Hunny gasped happily, running over and embracing the younger twin happily.

Jus then, an annoyed Hikaru with newly dyed hair, waltzed into the room. 'Hunny-senpai, why do you hug Kaoru?'

'Because I love Kao-chan!'

'And I love Hunny-senapi!'

Hikaru grinned sadistically. 'Well, Kaoru's _my _boyfriend, so you'll have to deal wih threesome!'

Hunny, not knowing what a threesome was, nodded happily as he was dragged by the twins over to a nearby closet.

Lets say, when Haruhi looked up at the window, instead of seeing two happy twins yelling her way, she saw a very distressed Mori, silently sobbing about his cousin's innocence into the abandoned Usa-chan...

-x-

_**Yumi- chapter when Hika dyed his hair based.**_

_**Bob- 0_0''**_

_**Yumi- (shoves him in closet)**_

_**Oko- To shadow queen-^^' I wont do drugs and I promise to stay in school! ^^**_

_**To jas-chanxouran- you're welcome!**_

_**To jazzywuzhere- thanks ^^'**_

_**and to Awesome smiley girl (if you're reading)- shadow queen says Kaoru, and Kyoya a close second and why?**_

_**Yum- thanks for all the reviews! (heading for 200 *squee*) and sayounara!**_


	38. Haruhi and MORISENPAI!

'Haruhi Haruhi Haruhi!'

Haruhi- your friendly neighborhood commoner, turned to face Hikaru and Kaoru- your friendly neighborhood devil spawns from he very depths of hell. 'Yeah guys? This better not be another one of your tricks involving your freakin' high volt electric fences,' she warned.

They ignored her. 'We were giving out to Milord for cheating on you, and her you are, _cheating on him with Mori-senpai?'_

Haruhi blinked. 'Hah?'

They held up a picture of a pink haired guy, not much older than them, perhaps a year or two. 'See, here's your son!'

'Hikaru, Kaoru, he's older than me...'

'He must just be mature for his age,' they brushed off, 'His name is _Fujimori! _Explain that!'

'He's older than me!' she protested.

'But he's your child!'

'He's older than me!'

'He's your child!'

'He's OLDER than me!

The twins just sighed. 'We're gonna have to tell Tono...'

'FOR GOD'S SAKE!'

They showed the picture to Tamaki, breaking the news to him not so gently. He broke down and sobbed, not unlike Hikaru's reaction to Kyoya bursting his girlfriend. And, about his revenge for that pop...we'll get to that in the next chapter of-

-This broadcast is too complex for your puny computer to handle-

-x-

_**Yumi- yeah, more Sukisyo puns...really dont get that anime, but this was too good to miss...**_

_**Oko- to Jas-chanxouran- ayup, good idea (goes and plots)**_

_**to Awesome smiley girl- will do!**_

_**To shadow queen- Awesome smiley girl says that Kyoya is hers and you can have Kaoru (aw, I wanted him...) and that shadow queen is her name on OZ**_

_**Yumi- thanks for the reviews! Sayounara! (9 more reviews and its 200 hundred people! thank you so much!)**_


	39. Maria

Despite sadistically, evilly, brutally, cruely _murdering _Hikaru's girlfriend, Kyoya quite liked balloons. In fact, he had his own caled Maria with long sharpee eyelashes, lucious biro lips and fantastic locks of polystethic hair. She was everything a Shadow King could ask for in a balloon.

And she had helium in her so she'd never get flat.

I think...

Kyoya even brought her to school, unable to part with her for the long learning hours. He always had her hidden secretly in his ruck sack. He even naughtily skipped Spanish now and again to go make out with her behind the school sheds. She drove him crazy.

Literally- especially when she was _stolen..._

_~some day, some time, some place where Kyoya would leave his bag unattended._

'Hey Kaoru, look!'

'Its Kyoya-senpai's bag...'

'No! Look whats in it! Its her!'

'Hikaru, its not the same balloon...she's dead and you have to accept that...'

'But she's right here! Kyoya stole her! I knew he was just jealous (dont worry baby! I'm coming!)'

'Hikaru-!'

Kyoya came back, just in time to see Hikaru run off, laughing like a maniac, dragging a reluctant twin along after him. And what was tucked neatly under his arm? It was Maria!

Kyoya saw red, following the manic gingers and his precious lady-balloon in hot pursuit. Kaoru just sighed, waving at Haruhi as they ran past. She didnt wave back. She was still trying to explin to Mori that she did not get pregnant after that one night stand in Switzerland and that it wasn't possible that this 'Sunao Fujimori' person was even their child. Mori wasn't convinced. He still attempted to give her the child support money.

Hikaru tought he'd gotten away. Dropping Kaoru to the ground roughly, giving him amneisa (?)he threw his once lost now sorta found nw girlfriend into the air. Where he soon realized something was different.

No, not the fact that his balloon was green and this one was purple.

That it was filled with helium. As you can guess...it floated away...leaving a sobbing Hikaru, an amneisic Kaoru and a very dangerous Sadow King behind. And Mori and Haruhi, still trying to figure out what this 'Suki Na Mono Wa Suki Dakara Shouganai' was.

-x-

_**Yumi- ^^'**_

_**Oko- To awesome smiley girl- ^^' I cant remember either...**_

_**To Hadakalover- ^^' ayu, yes they are**_

_**To bakanohurting- ? okay...**_

_**To quite- ^^ I will!**_

_**Yumi- anyway, I would like to say that we have reached 200 reviews...**_

_**Bob- but you're not giving a prize for the 200th reviewer...**_

_**Yumi- ^^' I'm fussy about numbers and stuff**_

_**Bob- we figured**_

_**Yumi- (shut it) So, if we ever get to it, the same prize is going for the 250th reviewer. But that wont be for a while, so...I dont know why I'm even telling you this, sayounara! (but it seems that awesome smiley girl was the 200th reviewer, so thank you very much! ^^)**_


	40. I got amneisa and its all your fault!

In the midst of all the chaos involving the sobbing over the balloon...well, actually, Hikaru had stopped, it was Kyoya who was still bawling over his precious Maria...I digress, in te midst of the chaos, Kaoru had gotten amneisa.

'Kaoru? Are you okay?' Hikaru asked, not really worried because he was still traumatized because he technically _murdered_ a _balloon_ and that was a _horrific _crime.

'You gave me freakin' amneisa!' Kaoru yelled, clutching his throbbing head.

'If you have amneisa then how can you remember that it was my fault?' Hikaru questioned, leaving Kaoru dumbstruck that _he actually said something smart..._

'How the hell am I meant to know?' Kaoru yelled. 'All I can remember is that I cant remember that our birthday is June 9th!'

'But...you just said it..,' Hikaru pondered, tutting at Kaoru's ignorance. Kaoru twitched.

'Stop being smart when I'm trying to blow your mind!' he yelled.

Hikaru gave a pitiful smile. 'Kaoru, stop taking my drugs if you cant handle them...'

'They fell out of your pocket and in to my mouth when we were running!'

'Is that even possible?'

'Apparently- wait a WALL!'

Moral of this chapter- dont let Kaoru take drugs or get faux amneisa...

-x-

_**Yumi- well, now you know not to give him your drugs**_

**_Bob- (hides kiddy medicine under bed)_**

**_Oko- To Awesome smiley girl- ^^' ayup, I'm pretty much finished now, at least for another twenty something chapters, at least...(does happy dance too)_**

**_Yumi- sayounara! (oh, and by the way, the last chapter's ((39)) idea goes to KandHforever)_**


	41. Child support is not needed!

'Haruhi...'

Haruhi, the raccoon look alike, didnt really recognize this vice like she would've any other host's. Probably because this host here, with his silent attitude, rarely spoke.

'Mori-senpai!' she exclaimed, thinking she should get a camera to record this moment. Today the usually stoic upperclassman was wearing an expression of concern mixed with joy as he wordlessly handed her the brown envelope.

'Oh, whats this?'

'Child support,' he replied, smiling sadly, 'You should've told me sooner and I would've payed from the beginning. I apologize greatly.'

Oh em gee, Mori said a whole three sentences! I bet he's tired...

Haruhi twitched, vowing to kill Hikaru and Kaoru, then had a fleeting thought that she should've filmed Mori's longest conversation in the history of the human race, then back to the homocidal intentions directed at the twins.

'Oh no no, he's not our child,' she insisted, handing him back the money, 'it was just the twins.'

Mori looked confused then his face softened again. 'I'll need more money...can I see them?'

'See who?'

'Our twins.'

'I meant Hikaru and Kaoru!'

'Hikaru and Kaoru are our kids?'

'We dont have kids!'

'But Fujimori-!'

'-is not our child!'

'Its not mine?'

'Its neither of ours!'

Mori pondered a while longer before attempting to give her the money again. 'Just take it...it'll make me feel better...'

'I dont need child support and why is Hikaru dragging the secret balloon of Kyoya's along while laughing manically and oh look ther'e's Kyoya-senpai and hey! I dont need the child support, take this back Moriiiii-senpaiiiiii!'

Mori left the money in her hands and made a super-spy get away made famous by Mr. no-first-name Hitachiin...

-x-

_**Yumi- ^^' child support...so thats roughly what was going on behind the scenes in chapter 39**_

_**Oko- To ohschfan13- thanks ^^'**_

_**to Shadow queen- ^^' thanks**_

_**To awesome smiley girl- =D Bob! Somebody actually likes you!**_

_**Bob- (growls)**_

_**Oko- bad Bob! Be nice! Dont growl at the nice reviewers!**_

_**Bob- (hiss)**_

_**Oko- Or hiss!**_

_**Yumi- any idea's that have been given to me will be used, just I already have some of these written, so they're going up first ^^' thans everyone and sayounara!**_


	42. Out of the closet, and back in

Hikaru, Haruhi and Tamaki were sitting on a host club sofa for no particular reason other than to ponder where the hell Kaoru was. As if it were planned, said twin jumped out of a nearby closet, grinning ecstatically. 'Guys! I'm gay!' he proclaimed happily.

There was an eerie silence. A tumbleweed passed.

'Heh heh,' he laughed sheepishly, 'its kinda chilly here...I think I'll just get back into this closet over here...'

He did just that, hopping back into the closet leaving the other three unfazed. Kyoya, who no one noticed was missing, popped his head out, ginormous hypnotic goggles on. 'You saw nothing,' he said in a creepy monotone, 'I am not gay. Neither is this ginger less moronic than the other twin here. You heard nothing...'

Obviously, the hypnotism didn't work as Hikaru said, just as Kyoya got back into the closet;

'Well, he got over Maria fast...'

'I think its just to lessen the pain,' Haruhi replied.

Then the hypnotism kicked in, and left them all pondering where Kaoru was again...

-x-

_**Yumi- ^^' sorry I didn't reply to any signed reviews yet...I will later today...just have to tidy my room now...**_

_**Oko- quickly! To awesome smiley girl- Bob! She now thinks you're lame!**_

_**Bob- (hiss)**_

_**Oko- ^^' to shadow queen- I know! And Bob! Stop making our reviewers hate you!**_

_**Bob- no...**_

_**Yumi- sayounara! ^^'**_


	43. Hikaru and Kyoya are having a what!

_**Yumi- (in emo corner)**_

_**Bob- is she coming out anytime soon? (and why is this chapter so long?)**_

_**Oko- (shrugs while eating Yumi's consolation ice cream from awesome smiley girl) she gots slapped.**_

_**Bob- finally...**_

_**Yumi- Oko! Wait, thats MY ice cream!**_

_**Oko- ^^' sorry?**_

_**Yumi- (back in corner.)**_

_**Oko- and Bob! Most people hate you now!**_

_**Bob- ugh**_

_**Oko- you wont get any votes on our poll!**_

_**Bob- ugh...**_

_**Oko- ^^' no use...To Awesome smiley girl- ^^' here's your idea...And I ate your ice cream (cowers not wanting to be hit)**_

_**To Shadow queen- Yeah...maybe...not sure...probably...he has a portable hair dryer! And he called Kyoya cute...I think...yeah, he did...=D**_

_**To Hiya- ayup, Mori!**_

_**To meeow- =D thanks for the support! And wait a second...Yumi!**_

_**Yumi- (sulking) wha'?**_

_**Oko- two away from 250!**_

_**Yumi- (jumps out of corner) =D yay! Sayounara! Prize for our 250th reviewer!**_

_**Bob- (it actually worked...)**_

-x-

Haruhi said that the twins got nothing from their Dad. That was a lie as she could now see from Kaoru's position behind the wall, spying on what could only be called a _date_. And from previous experience, Kaoru was very interested in his brothers dates.

It just added to the fun that it was between Hikaru and _Kyoya_...

'Kaoru,' she said to the crazy ginger, 'Shouldn't we give them some privacy?'

'Hell no!'

'Okay...'

'Mon ami! *sobs*'

'Haruhi, he's being annoying! Distract him!'

'Uh, senpai...look! You got dialogue again!'

'=D'

'Good commoner!'

'Hiss'

Haruhi still hadn't forgiven the electric fence incident...

Anyway, back to the topic of this chapter which was...oh yeah! A date between the oldest devil twin and the low blood pressure demon lord!

'How did we end up here?' Hikaru asked, exasperated.

'Something to do with Kaoru and his super scene changing technique,' the shadow king answered simply, ignoring the dirty look Hikaru was giving him.

'I meant why.'

'He's your twin, surely you'd know him better than I do, correct?' Kyoya replied, seeing if the hypnotism on Hikaru had actually worked. Hikaru didnt have a comeback, so he took that as a good thing, jotting his successful attempt in his creepy little notebook.

'So...,' Hikaru tried to start, 'watched any movies recently?'

'Movies are a waste of time in which I could be plotting world domination in.'

'Ah,' Hikaru sweat dropped.

'So, Hikaru,' Kyoya started, 'You like raccoons...and balloons?'

Hikaru, finding that this was an interesting topic, nodded excitedly. 'Yeah! My balloon was awesome for the three seconds I had her for but then you burst her and why am I talking to the person who killed my baby you freakin' eejit!'

Cue lots of easily dodged tables flying around.

He quickly ran out of tables and sat back down, tableless and sulky. 'You suck.'

'Care to meet my police force? Incest isn't to be taken lightly in a court of law, you know,' Kyoya said cooly.

Hikaru scowled. 'Where's your proof!'

Kyoya held up a photo he must've took from chapter twelve. Hikaru stared wide-eyed at the picture and immediately stopped bad mouthing the senpai.

'Good little kohai,' Kyoya said, handing him a commoner treat which he happily gave the, uh, hand (?) for and the chewed happily.

Then the food arrived and they ate it.

Then the time came to pay the bill. Hikaru got up, making his way to where the little Maltese waiter was standing happily smiling at all the petty little victims, I mean, customers, hoping to get a generous tip. The older twin attempted to take out his wallet but a hand on his stopped him.

'I'm paying (its coming out of Haruhi's debt anyway),' he said coolly to him, an onlooking Haruhi getting seriously distressed when Kaoru called out the price of what that meal would've cost. Haruhi nearly fainted but realized that from her and Tamaki's position, she would've fell on him and knowing their luck, her Dad would've chose this place to cross dress tonight and try and murder her senpai again so she decided to be a good raccoon and not faint.

'I'll pay, thank you very much,' Hikaru spat, perfectly capable of paying for his own food, the rich little-

'Look,' Kyoya replied haughtily, 'In fanfiction, like this one, you are naturally the uke-' twitch- 'in our nonexistent relationship. And the seme, me-' twitch twitch- 'always pays. Now be a good uke- ' twitch- 'and go wait by the door and I will escort you home.'

So thats how Kyoya broke the third wall and his face all in the one night...


	44. Usa! I told you to stop doing that!

'Haruhi...'

Said friendly raccoon cracked open one eye at the creaky, and only slightly creepy, voice that had woken her. Then she realized she was in the middle of a field full of unicorns and flowers and stupid foxes and Oh gosh it was Charlie! But Haruhi had watched enough youtube, reluctantly, to know that it wasn't the twin's precious 'Charlie the Unicorn' that had spoken. She looked up to find Usa-chan floating above her.

'Haruhi,' the bunny persisted, doing a few pelvic thrusts that looked extremely creepy in mid air while leering at her.

Haruhi's eye twitched in horror. Oh gosh, not by a bunny! No! Suddenly the bunny drew an axe and Haruhi felt slightly happier that the bunny wasn't going to harass her in inappropriate ways and then slightly uneasy that the bunny was probably going to kill her instead...

The axe came closer and closer and closer until-

She woke up, duh! She felt relieved that it was all a nightmare and went to binge eat some nutella out of a jar because she felt that she deserved it after the trauma that had just been inflicted on her by Hunny's dream bunny rabbit plushy thing.

Little did she know, that was a premeition...

-In the Mori and Hunny household-

'Takashiiiiiiii! Usa-chan! Bad! I told you to stop doing that!'

-x-

_**Yumi- ^^' credit to jas-chanxouran**_

_**Oko- Stuckinadream- You wooooooon! Congrats, you can see the previous prizes on whatever chapter I got 100 reviews on and ask for something outta there! Thanks for reviewing everyone!**_

_**Bob- (secretly sad that everyone hates him but doesn't show it)**_


	45. ADHD

'Okay,' the random teacher- though no one ever appears to go to class in this anime- asked, for the sake of plot, 'who has, or knows someone with, ADHD here?' she sat back down on her awesome swivel chair, wondering why the hell this topic had came up in the middle of her history class.

Hikaru put up his hand, grinning idiotically as Kaoru and Haruhi gave him 'the look'. Oh you know that look. That look that you get when you are known for doing stupid things and then you go and do something else really stupid. Lets just say, this was a common occurrence for poor Hikaru.

'Hikaru- not that I wouldn't be surprised if you did- you dont have ADHD...' Kaoru told him, letting him down gently.

Hikaru shot him a smirk. 'Oh but we do Kaoru, we're rich, remember!'

Haruhi sighed. 'Whatever about you, but Kaoru doesn't have it.'

'Well you definitely dont! You're too poor Haruhi!' Hikaru laughed.

Haruhi glared at him while Kaoru explained, 'Having ADHD is not dependent on whether or not you're rich, Hikaru.'

'But Haruhi cant even afford a television, probably!'

'...'

'...'

'...?'

'...Uh, Hikaru?'

'ADHD is a disorder and is nothing like Sky HD...'

-x-

_**Yumi- Silly Hikaru...to Shadow Queen- Yes, Bob has feelings...he just prefers being an unemotional triangle with a circular head **_

_**Bob- harsh, considering you invented me...**_

_**Yumi- Well Yeah? That was technically Oko *humph***_

_**Oko- =D...?**_


	46. It sucks to be a host!

_**Yumi- Well, this one's a parody of Avenue Q's 'It sucks to be me' (Tamaki- Princeton, Kaoru- Brian, Hikaru- Kate, Hunny+Mori- Rod+Nicky, Kyoya- Christmas eve, Haruhi- Gary Coleman)**_

_**Bob- Stop parodying!**_

_**Yumi- ^^' Sorry awesome smiley girl, I made another reference to Hikaru not having a girlfriend, but I couldn't pass it up...**_

_**Oko- This will be updated daily (God knows how) for the whole of August. **_

_**Bob- why?**_

_**Yumi- Because August is just that awesome! (for reasons why August is going to be awesome and what's different for my updating for August than the rest of the year, check my profile...NOW!) **_

_**Sayounara!**_

-x-

**Tamaki-** What do you do with

The A's in English

When all your friends are Japanese

Don' wanna go to college

Dont need petty knowledge

My Dad's job is what I will be

Get what I wanna get

Dont feel like Uni yet

Come on I don't even know

What the deal's with my father

Or what's all the bother

I think I'll keep being a host

**~Somewhere else~**

**Hikaru**- Hey Kaoru

**Kaoru-** Hey Hikaru

**Hikaru**- wanna sing about how much our lives suck?

**Kaoru**- Dont I always?

(sings) When I was little, I thought I would be

A pretty princess like in Walt Disney

But now I'm 15 and as you can see

I'm not.

Its not real

It sucks to be me, It sucks to be me

It sucks to be turning 16 and not able to make believe

It sucks to be me

**Hikaru**- =D My turn!

(sings) Well I'm kinda petty, and Goddamn immature

I let him have the girl, just Goddamn let go

So know I guess she's not an option no more

So why, cant I have a girlfriend (who wont burst)

It sucks to be me, It sucks to be me

It sucks to be just one half of the twins, Oh God when will this song end

It sucks to be me

**Kaoru**- Okay, Hunny! Get the hell over here and bring Mori with you!

***Hunny and Mori enter***

**Hunny**- Kao-chan wants me to sing? Okay! *expression hardens*

(sings) I sorta live with this guy

He's my bee-eye-tee-see-hache

But he takes my Usa

And wont let me eat too much cake

Try having to go to work, but looking half your age

It sucks to be me, It sucks to be me

It sucks to be a child-like at Uni

Who cannot eat his pastery

It sucks to be me!

***Kyoya enters and joins in without permission***

**Kyoya**- (sings) I'm Kyoya Ootori, I have three older siblings

So I wont get the company by any means

The only way is if I resort to murdering

But I dont have any hitmen (or not enough)

On my speed dial

And it would take a while

It sucks to be me, It sucks to be me

It sucks to be the Ootori's youngest son

With no idea if I have a mum

It sucks to be me!

**Hikaru**- Awesome guys!

**Kaoru**- Uh, do we have to invite Tono in now?

**Hikaru**- Nah, lets ditch his lines and go on to Haruhi's part (yells) Haruhi! Get the freak in here!

***Haruhi enters with sound affects to make her sound cooler than she is* I'm Haruhi Fujioka!**

**Hunny**- (eating cake) Really?

**Haruhi**- (being totally out of character) Yes I am baby!

(sings) I guess I'm just your normal raccoon

Who still hasn't gotten to taste your rich food

Try having to search, In the twins been

(speaks) just to get electrocuted...again and again

(sings) It sucks to be me!

**Everyone**- It sucks to be you!

**Haruhi**- To be your average friendly raccoon

Who's got all the fangirls fooled

**Everyone**- IT SUCKS TO BE YOU!

**Tamaki**- =D...Hey! My part got deleted! (emo corner)

**Haruh**i- (on Tamaki's throne doing Gary Coleman's evil laugh from 'Schadenfreude') WAH HA HA HA! WAH HA HA HA!

**Kaoru**- And thats a rap!

**Hikaru**- =D Haruhi's life sucks the most!


	47. Tamaki's Kuma Part one

_**Yumi- this idea was given to me by spider9x**_

_**Oko-And a continuation of chapter 28 is now a different story. Check out 'Freshly Brewed, No Sugar'!**_

_**Bob- (sighs) This chapter was brought to you by Awesome August. To learn more about the updates, new stories and abilities to request, check out our profile.**_

_**Yumi- Sayounara!**_

-x-

Everything was okay in the host club for a bit. Haruhi got glomped everyday, Mori was silently plotting to give her more child benefit, Hikaru and Kaoru were...being themselves, Tamaki was brooding, Kyoya was plotting world domination and Hunny was eating cake.

But then, so suddenly, Tamaki stopped brooding. And completely switched off. He didn't cry, he didn't move, he didn't glomp Haruhi and call her his daughter. He just sat there, emotionless, expressionless...dead. Yes, it looked very much like Tono had _died._

_"_Haruhi," the twins mused in unison, "Is Milord dead?"

"Well, it looks like it...but he has a pulse and is breathing and stuff..."

"It seems Tama-chan is just in a coma or something!"

"Well," Hikaru chirped, pulling out a chainsaw, "Lets see whats wrong with him now, shall we?"

Before anyone could stop the moronic twin, he had cut through Tamaki's head, chooping off the top bit easily, and looking down into it. "Figures," he said, sighing, "he really doesn't have a brain." True, Tamaki had no brain, just and empty space with a vacant sign beside the 'for sale' sign.

"Thats impossible," Kyoya mused, "Someone must be controlling our president."

They all looked at each other. Kyoya was ruled out because he had no reason to control a brainless moron like Tamaki.

Hikaru was ruled out because he wouldn't be clever enough to control Tamaki.

Kaoru was ruled out because of the same reason as Kyoya.

Haruhi was ruled out because the times didn't fit. Tamaki must've been mind controlled long before she broke that vase.

Mori was ruled out because of the same reason Kyoya and Kaoru were.

Hunny was ruled out because he was far too cute. Period.

They came to a conclusion- well, Haruhi and Kyoya came to a conclusion while the others poke a bleeding to even bigger death Tono. Whoever was mind controlling Tamaki must not be able to do stuff any other way. Someone smart, but immobile. Usa-chan was then ruled out because Hunny carried him around everywhere, making him mobile.

Then they finally decided to stitch Tamaki back up to stop him copletely dying. Then Hunnuy decided to point out an interesting fact.

"Tama-chan's Kuma is goooone."

To be continued.


	48. Tamaki's kuma part two

And so the hunt for Kuma began.

After much debauchery, cursing and usual shennanigans, they finally found him, far out of the wi fi range of Tamaki, which he was using to control him-ah the powers of the internet- up on top of a skyscraper in New York.

God knows how far they ran. Or how Kuma got there.

Then it became clear how Kuma got there.

He was kidnapped by King Kong!

King kong was holding on to Kuma relentlessly as Mori fearlessly climbed the skyscraper to save Tamaki's brain! And that he did. All for a banana that Hunny had given him earlier before they left him at home in charge of Tamaki's lifeless body. King kong immedietly dropped Kuma into Mori's arms and ate the banana and made peace with Obama and decided go go back to the zoo where he came from.

They brought Kuma back to the third music room- to find that there was no more cake or anything resembling cake, like Haruhi's French homework, left in the room, but thats another story- and got him to tell them the whole story of why he was using Tamaki.

"Well," the bear spoke- who knew he could do that?- "I was given to Tamaki at a very young age by his mother who was sad that he didn't have a brain and decided that I would do as a substitute. Tamaki doesn't have a clue about this because that is how he's programmed and so far, no one- but you's- know our little secret."

It was such a simple explanation, so they all believed him and gave him back to Tamaki, who immedietly started working again and started asking questions about the stitched holding his head together.

Little did they know, that Kuma was lying, and that Tamaki had a perfectly healthy brain- hell he could'a been a scientist!- until Kuma stole it and gave it to none other than Usa-chan- who is actually controlling Hunny _and_ Mori- so they could plan...wait for it...its the same thing they do every morning...PLAN WORL DOMINATION!

-x-

_**Yumi- no need for an authors note, you get one in the next chapter.**_

_**Oko- buuuuut, these two chapters are brought to you by Awesome August. For more information about how you can partcipate in helping us with Awesome August, Pm us or look at our profile!**_


	49. Kyoya's AB blood type is acting up again

_**Yumi- and today's parody is...Schaduenefreude! (God knows how you spell that) by Gary Coleman and Nicky whats his last name from avenue q (this is set right after the next ex girlfriend (man I wish I had a girlfriend) parody)**_

_**Bob- but you didn't use the same character?**_

_**Yumi- shaddup Bob, and now I'll answer the anon reviewers! To ohshcfan13, thank you very much! ^^ 4 reviews until 300! Thank you so much for reviewing people! I'm actually close to tears...=D sayounara!**_

-x-

Hikaru was still drunk. Hell, he was _wasted._ Who knew one could get so drunk off grape juice and sake with maple syrup on top. So, Kaoru left him outside the supermarket, on the kerb, while he completly forgot he was meant to be gay and flirted shamelessly with the shop clerk, singing silly Bowling For Soup parodies.

And just his luck, Kyoya (=D) came along.

"Hikaru," he said, in a sing songy voice which could only mean that he was also drunk, "I see that you are down and out, I bet you feel real crappy-" Hikaru nodded- "And when I see you drunk like this, it sort of makes me-" Hikaru grinned up at his senpai, not realiziung what rhymed with 'crappy', "HAPPY!"

"Happy?" Hikaru complained indignantly.

"Sorry kid, thats just my nature, There's nothing I can do-" psychotic laughter- "My AB blood type! I guess I just feel like mocking you!"

"You really aren't nice, dude, you know that?" Hikaru complained.

"I'm never nice, especially not when I'm wasted," Kyoya replied, "Dont you see me grin when I add things to Haruhi's debt?"

"Yeah."

"And dont you think that I'd like to watch 'Daddy'," he sang, while shaking his fist, "fall off a cliff to his death! Dont you think I feel all happy and tingly," on cue it started to rain and the shadow king pulled out an umbrella, "watching you sit here in the rain?"

"I guess?"

"Thats my AB blood type! Oh my, its acting up again!" he laughed, sounding so crazy that Hikaru flinched away.

"Watching Mori being told, that what ate was Piyo-chan! Letting down Ranka's hopes and dreams, of ever being his man!"

Hikaru watched in sick fascination that only came with being drunk out of your mind.

"Waiting for an elevator, and prising open the doors! Hah! My AB blood type!" he leaned into Hikaru, his breath tickling his ears, "Oops, did I push you down the shaft?"

Hikaru jumped back in frantic jerky movements, uncoordinated for obvious reasons, just for Kyoya to pull him back, singing to him in a slight slur. "Dont you wish Haruhi could get a be? Tamaki give her an STD? Waking Hunny from his nap, just for him to beat the crap? Nekozawa unable to cackle? You and your brother getting shackled-"

Hikaru gacked, toppling backwards on to his ass, looking up in dazed terror at the demon lord as he sneered, "'Cause no matter whatb I told you back then, incest _is_ illegal in Japan!"

He started laughing insanely...then fell asleep. Hikaru looked at him worriedly, poking him gently. His mouth fell open in shock as he scrambled up and backed away incredibly catiously, quivering in fright.

"K-Kaoruuuuu! Kyoya died of over-singing!"


	50. What have you learned!

**What I've learned from Pumpkins Make People Crazyyy!**

1. Dont insult/ kill/ do anything negative to Kaoru's analogies

2. Hikaru shouldn't be allowed near the drugs (or Kaoru)

3. Hikaru should not be allowed near the sake

4. Hikaru should not be allowed near the raccoons

5. Hikaru should not be allowed near anything

6. Hikaru should be kept in an incredibly tight jacket

7. Dont insult Kyoya's sexuality

8. HiKaoru is the Japanese Jedward

9. Haruhi cant tell the twins apart. She just _thinks_ she can tell them apart, the poor thing.

10. Kaoru doesn't approve of 'Smoothie King' by Bowling for Soup

11. Kasanoda should've been BEATEN!

12. Curry+mixed cd= creepy dreams of Ranak in a bikini

13. Dont let Kyoya get drunk

14. Raccoons are incredibly similar to chickens

15. Balloons make the best girlfriends

16. You know you've hit rock bottom when you're parodying American songs

17. All stuffed animals are evil

18. Harry Potter and Twilight are practically the _same thing_

19. Haruhi and Mori are having a secret relationship. Dont deny that its true.

20 Closets are both metaphorical and deadly real

21. ADHD is not anything to do with television

22. Usa-chan is a pervert

23. So is Kaoru (he is _not _the innocent twin. There is no such thing as an _innocent twin_)

24. Still, he wouldn't get his kicks from looking in the mirror naked...

25. There is no fourth wall. There is now a pile of ash where the fourth wall used to be.

26. If your ipod get stuck on replay, buy a freakin' new one!

27. Hikaru is adopted. Period.

28. Telling someone to do something 'gay and ukeish' is not to be infuriated by when things go wrong.

29. Watch what you say, It could be interpreted differently.

30. It sucks to be host. Really, it does.

31. Hikaru and Kaoru watch 'Suki Na Mono Wa Suki Dakara Shouganai (sukisyo)' as its the only logical conclusion.

32. Tamaki is a player. And ponce a player, always a player.

33. Hunny is not innocent. At least, not anymore.

34. King Kong like Banana

35. Blind people can be tricked into marrying random objects

36. Haruhi should sue them all for sexual harrasment

37. If Haruhi dies, Tamaki will have to become a cross dresser, for their child's sake!

38. Fake families cause unnecessary hassle

39. Mister Hitachiin is James Bond.

40. No, its not a love triangle, or even a love square, its a love _circle_

41. Animes cant have an odd number of characters. Someone must die.

42. The hypnotic glasses are a success, might I add?

43. Dont believe the dictionary, Whalish is a word.

44. 'An old lady who swallowed a fly' is a horrific rhyme and should only be used for parodies

45. Physical love is meant for married couples

46. Dyeing your hair makes you an uke. Really, it does.

47. Anyone can get confused by the twins, a pink haired _dude_, benefits and a one night stand in Switzerland

48. What happens in Switzerland _stays _in Switzerland (Quote Mimi-Dudette)

49. Yes, amnesia is something you can remember getting

aaaaand 50. This story is a craic filled bunch of nonsense! ^^

-x-

_**Yumi- Our 50th chapter celebration!**_

_**Oko- To awesome smiley girl- ^^ its okay, everyone likes some chapters more than others ^^ thanks for the review**_

_**Yumi- speaking of which, I think I forgot to reply to some of the other reviews, and hopefully I'll do them tomorrow! Sayounara!**_

_**Bob- (hiding in closet)**_


	51. The love circle, revisited

"Ren-chan!" Hunny chirped, skipping over to the otaku who was drinking commoner coffee and marveling its wonders. She looked up, shooting the senior a questioning look. It was not often that a host attempted to speak to her, you know. "Ren-chan, about your love circle..."

Renge stood up, cackling as usual and waving a finger at the smaller, but older, Hunny-senapi. "Ah, what do you need to know, m'dear?"

"You said me and Takeshi weren't in it because we weren't important enough," he replied, chewing his thumb, "But why weren't you in it Ren-chan?"

Renge looked at him strangely before laughing her ass off. "Ohoho! I am in it!" With that, she pulled out a giant copy of the Kaoru+Hikaru+Haruhi+Tamaki+Kyoya and around again circle. Sure enough, smack down in the middle, with everyone's arrow pointing her way, was Renge.

"Everyone loves me!" she cackled.

Hunny smiled sweetly. "'cept me and Takeshi!"

Renge blinked before scribbling in a half arsed Hunny and Mori at the bottom, arrows pointing at each other and at Renge. "There!" she exclaimed, throwing the marker down, "Thats sorted!" She smiled at Hunny. Hunny just facepalmed.

-x-

_**Yumi- Oh Renge, just keep telling yourself that...(prize for our 330th reviewer!)**_

_**Oko- Brought to you by Awesome August- because August is just the darn awesome. For more information, check our profile!**_

_**Yumi- Sayounara! Check out Awesome August for me, would'ya?**_

_**Bob- (still in closet)**_


	52. Tik Tok part one

~First half of Tic Tok parody~

(episode 17 based. Kyoya's point of view)

_Wake me in the morning, do you wanna die?_

_I dont care where you're going, dont wanna open my eyes_

_Before you leave you wink at me_

_But I'm already asleep_

_So you dress me up and leave me_

_In a commoner place_

_I'm talkin' 'bout no wallet or no phone, phone_

_Really just wanna go home, home_

_Starting to get kinda mad, mad_

_Hunger pains hurt real bad, bad_

_Little kid bumps into me_

_Wanna eat him I'm just that hungry (hah, abridged reference)_

_Woah woah woah *insert more stupid yodeling here*_

_Tik Tok (such bad spelling)_

_I wont stop_

_Until I kill that freakin' blonde_

_Today_

_I'll get my way_

_That stupid moron's gonna pay_

_*more yodeling*_

_-x-_

_**Yumi- How is it so far?**_

_**Bob- (is out of closet) bad.**_

_**Yumi- Yeesh, I'm just in a severly bad mood and not a writing one and have nothing else to do but something I dont wanna!**_

_**Bob- To whoop, Yumi thanks you very much**_

_** To Painter person, Yumi does too. All fangirls do.**_

_**Oko- By the way, she's sorry for not updating yesterday and the day before...mood problems...**_

_**Yumi- Too freakin' right! (emo corner) *mutters* stupid truth or dare and random sexual harassment...**_

_**Bob- Uh, I'll say this for all of us- sayounara?**_


	53. Tik Tok part two

**~tik tok parody p 2~**

**(episode 17 and abridged episode 17 based)**

_So I think I'm all alone, until I see someone I know_

_Oh lookie here, it's the accidental host_

_For her, unlike the rest, I don't care too much_

_But I'll suck up to her, if it means she'll buy me lunch_

_The burger tastes like sh-, sh-_

_And she's looking kinda pissed, pissed_

_I should talk about the host club, host club_

_She asks me where they are, are_

_Tamaki comes over the intercom, 'com_

_I wanna shoot him for doing such buuuuuuull..._

_Tik tok _

_I wont stop_

_Until I kill that freakin' blonde_

_Today_

_I'll get my way_

_That stupid moron's gonna pay_

_*yodelling ftw!*_

_I go up the stairs_

_She wants to go back down_

_I see him there_

_And I frown_

_He has a new dog_

_And the rest of the club_

_Someone give me a pistol_

_So I can shoot him_

_And his mindless chatter just stops when I walk in_

_Tik tok_

_I wont stop _

_Until I kill that freakin' blonde_

_Today_

_I'll get my way_

_That stupid moron's gonna pay _

_(with a bullet)_

-x-

_**Yumi- ^^ melancholy causing me to write more if anything now!**_

_**Oko- to awesome smiley girl- heh heh, thanks?**_

_**Bob- (in closet again)**_

_**Yumi- sayounara!**_


	54. She's what Mei wants

_**Yumi- sighs, sorry about still not having done the requests...**_

_**Bob- Also, some of you are misunderstanding Awesome August.**_

_**Yumi- (nods) we dont mind if you wish to ask for a chapter here or anywhere at all anytime; Awesome August is where you actually request a story itself, not a chapter!**_

_**Oko- We'll do a chapter for this anytime! It doesn't have to be August!**_

_**Yumi- We'll be doing all those chapters, and thank you very much for the ideas and keep them coming! But if a few people could ask stories of us too, we'll be really happy!**_

_**Bob- You'll be really happy...wait...Yumi?**_

_**Yumi- Yeah?**_

_**Bob- Aren't you meant to be watching the fish fingers so they dont burn?**_

_**Yumi- 0_o *runs away***_

_**Bob- Sighs, I guess I'll have to write *shudder* humor for once...so much for waiting before we do another parody...sayounara?**_

-x-

"Kaoru?" Hikaru asked, as they lay down o their bed after the host club and Mei were gone.

"Yeah?"

Hikaru sighed. "Mei said she was in love with our Mom..."

Kaoru stifled a chuckle. " Just go to sleep Hikaru," he replied softly, curling up underneath the blankets and completely ignoring his brothers complaining about 'Hey! I was talking to you you ignorant little brother! Dont fall asleep!'

And Kaoru had a strange dream about Haruhi singing...well, this

_The twins' Mom, has got it going on_

_She's what Mei wants and she's waited for so long!_

_Tamaki cant you see?_

_You're just not the one for me_

_I know it might be wrong, but_

_Everyone is in love with the twin's Mom!_

Kaoru woke up in a cold sweat before screaming, loudly as he could yet still not enough to wake Hikaru- "Would you's stop it with the parodies!" - and then consuming a fetal position, whimpering uncontrollably...poor Kaoru...


	55. Attack of the high fangirl!

Hikaru and Kaoru sighed, drinking their tea calmly for once instead of throwing it over Tamaki's head or Kyoya's laptop or something. Why, you might ask. Why? Well, why would the twins be the calmest in the host club for once in their entire lives?

Well, for one, Kyoya wasn't there.

God knows where he was.

He probably had a meeting with the devil or something.

Well, the host club was in utter chaos, because a fangirl had been let in. A fangirl on sugar high, no less. And when we say fangirl, we dont mean a fangirl as in a designator, oh no. We mean a reverse harem fangirl, one who wants nothing more than to meet characters from an anime/manga she obsesses over.

And she got sugar high.

Well, she had wrecked the entire host club, pushing random chairs over and laughing hysterically before picking them back up again, just to knock them back down. She had swung Hunny around too much, making him upchuck on Mori.

Now she was biting Tamaki's ear rabidly, chewing it with force and tugging it lightly as she positioned herself on his shoulders in a piggy back position. He made no attempt to shove her off or do anything. He just stood there and let her. Kuma sighed.

"Whimper you fool!" he ordered. Immedietly Tamaki pushed her of and curled up in a fetal position, whimpering helplessly.

Hikaru sighed, looking on as she moved on to bite an uncaring Haruhi, who was studying. "She's high on raspberries."

Kaoru nodded.

"Hey Kaoru?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I have some raspberries?"

-x-

_**Yumi- its finally done! For Stuckinadream.**_

_**Oko- To KandHbeinglazy (yes I know I could've replied by your profile!)-Yeah! And the priest would be Elvis!**_

_**to Hitachiin9796- Okay, I'll get that done soon! ^^**_

_**Bob- This chapter is brought to you by Awesome August. Can someone please request something for Awesome August before Awesome August is over? Thank you.**_

_**Yumi- Listen to Bob! Sayounara!**_


	56. Reruns on Challenge

So...we know Tamaki lives in the second Suoh estate and that Kyoya lives in his mansion. We know the twins live in the Hitachiin estate and that Hunny lives in the dojo place. And come one, we all know poor Haruhi lives in a shabby cardboard box.

But where does Mori live.

Answer=a castle!

_General Lee watched in dismay as once again, the last member of his hard fighting troop got their paper ring sullied by the Emerald Guards evil ink rays of evilness. He allowed his head to fall into his hands. He had once again failed to make a troop sturdy enough; even after all the vigorous training they endured._

_He sighed, exasperated as the the horns sounded and the words he sadly knew off by heart played themselves, once again at his expense._

_"There are no winners this time on Takeshi's Castle..."_

_-x-_

**_Yumi-I thought it was necessary..._**

**_Bob- more so than your requests?_**

**_Yumi- (ignores the imaginary friend)_**

**_Bob- (gets ignored)_**

**_Oko- (smiles obliviously) To DonttouchmyKyoya818- (yes, she knows she could'a just replied by your profile) Hm? Do you mean for this story, or for Awesome August. Either way, sure thing ^^_**

**_To Kittara- ^^ glad you liked it!_**

**_Yumi- On another note, Wowies, nearly 400? (in disbelief) When originally writing this, I expected nothing but OOC complaints...Thank you people! Also, I've over 12,000 hits 0_0 thank you so much people, you dont know how much this actually means to me..._**

**_Bob- she drew you a picture. But then she has no means of showing it to you, does she?_**

**_Yumi- Shaddup! I can do it eventually when I get a scanner!_**

**_Bob- right...favor? Can you stop making your author's notes longer than your chapters?_**

**_Yumi- (I could cut you outta them...) Thank you everyone for all the support through the last 56 chapters! It means a lot. Sayounara!_**


	57. Hot pockets Notice the 'hot'

Hikaru blinked at the package before scowling at his brother. "I told you to buy _commoner food_ not cheap crap!" he said in frustration, glaring at the offending hot pockets container.

Kaoru sighed. "Hikaru, commoner food _is_ cheap crap!"

"Oh right!" he said cheerfully, opening the container to try some. He pulled a face, handing it to Kaoru. "You try this. Its disgusting!" Kaoru tried a bit and ran off somewhere, probably to throw up on some poor unfortunate walking underneath the window.

Hikaru sighed before scraping it into Tanuki-chan's dish. Tanuki ate some, oblivious to the rancid taste before promptly keeling over. Hikaru's eyes widened. Haruhi walked in, took one look at the almost dead forest animal, then at Hikaru's shocked expression before announcing- "You're meant to microwave that first."

-x-

_**Yumi- ^^ best I could think of...**_

_**Bob- At least you're doing the requests...**_

_**Oko- This is brought to you by Awesome August. For more details on this, check our profile!**_

_**Yumi- Sayounara!**_


	58. WiMax! Its better than Eircom!

"Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Hey! Kaoru! Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru! Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey! Kaoru hey! You're ignoring me! Aren't you, huh! Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Kao Kao Kao Kao Kao Kaoru-kun Kaoru-kun Kaoru-kun Kao-chan Kao-chan Kao-chan Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru Annoying twin number two! Annoying twin number one? Kaoru!"

"What!"

Hikaru's face lit up at the sweet sweet long awaited sound of acceptance before taking a deep breath- making Kaoru wonder where he kept all that air and whether or not they should stop cosplaying as Tamaki and Kyoya as they seemed to be taking over their personalities lately- and yelling, "Are we with Eircom?"

"Why," Kaoru sighed, adjusting the glasses he's borrowed from the money hounding senpai.

"Because they have so many bundles it makes that poor singing man's head spin!" he exclaimed, "And they rip people off!"

Kaoru blinked, "Hikaru, stop watching television."

"But WiMax is the new sensation!"

"Hikaru..."

"Its 'a'coming around the nation'!"

"Of Europe (and possibly America)."

"Its the next generation!"

"Go away, I'm trying to read!"

"Its faster better cheaper!"

"Go away!"

"There's no line rental fee!"

"Hikaru!"

"We need to go to Imagine dot ie!"

"Would you shut up!"

-x-

_**Yumi- Little WiMax advert for you. (I'm alive! I was gone-without internet!-for three days! Well, two and a half...)**_

_**Bob- Look up the song.**_

_**Oko- ^^' no offense to Eircom intended...we're actually with them, so...dont cut us off! Please!**_

_**Yumi- yikes! I never thought about that! Please dont sir!people!eircomers! Anyways, since there is no prize for anything withen the 400 reviews mark, I have decided to do a little quiz.**_

_**As you know, Pumpkins Make People Crazyyy, above all other stories, takes great pride in the authors notes! So, for the next couple of chapters, we'll quiz you on them! And whoever guesses correct first, will get the same prize you would get if you were a 100th, 250th or 330th reviewer. Alright?**_

_**Question one- What is Bob?**_

_**Bob-...what? Note the 'what'? Its like she thinks of me as an item or something...**_

_**Yumi- ^^ sayounara! And I will get back to the requests soon!**_


	59. Hikaru's adopted, revisited

_**Yumi- ^^' Sighs. This one was given to me by JelliBeani**_

_**Bob- And, as for the answer to the question, I am Yumi's cynical imaginary Friend. Though if anyone had said I'm her ID, that would've worked either.**_

_**Yumi- So, thank you to Awesome Smiley Girl! ^^ You can claim your prize. (also, why did everyone seem to think he was a dragon?)**_

_**The next question is, What theory-if you look very closely- does the triad of Yumi, Oko and Bob resemble? Its a psychological theory, mind you. I give you two chapters to answer ^^**_

_**Oko- To Awesome Smiley Girl, No, he didn't cut us off ^^**_

_**Yumi- Sayounara!**_

-x-

Kaoru was bored. And when a Hitachiin gets bored, they find a way to relieve the boredom in some way or another even if it means the death of an innocent bystander. So he rooted around his and Hikaru's room and found an interesting white tablet.

And being the suicidal, depressed, _pathetic_ idiot Kaoru always seems to be portrayed as in fanfiction, he took the tablet, hoping to relieve the boredom that was eating away at his soul making it impossible for him to go through another day with this torturous pain that consumed his very self.

But, sadly for him, they were just drugs, so he didn't die, he just became high.

So he rushed all the way over to Ouran and into the third music room where everyone-including Hikaru, who should've been at home stopping his suicidal brother! Idiot!- conveniently was. He jumped up and down for a few minutes before stopping and walking over to Hikaru seriously and taking his hands in his own.

"K-Kaoru? Are you okay?" Hikaru choked, afraid that something, other than being a suicidal maniac, was wrong with his iddle widdle brother.

"Hikaru," he said solemnly, "I've already told you this once before, but I'm not your twin and you're adopted."

Hikaru gaped, but was interrupted by the unfinished Kaoru before he could go off on a rant.

"But I never told you why we adopted you. The real truth is that you would've heired a company which this French lady didn't want you to do so she got us to adopt you while we were all meeting in France and we gladly accepted for a few hundred thousand of course and all."

Kaoru sucked in a deep breath. "What I'm trying to say is...I'm not your brother, Tono is."

Hikaru fainted.

Then he woke up.

"Oh yeah, and I'm getting married to Renge."

He passed out again.

"S-so," Tamaki said, raising his hand like he was in school or something, "Hikaru is my little brother?"

"Ah no, he's actually older than you by several years. He's actually thirty two."


	60. Maria's back, sorta

_**Yumi- =D To HikaruHitachiin'sGirl- yes, you're in love with a drugged up 32 year old. Lucky you!**_

_**To Awesome Smiley Girl- I freakin' love the vaguely abridged series! The Sukisho one is awesome too ^^ And, yes you were right, but Mimi Dudette got there first! ^^**_

_**By the way, Mimi Dudette can now claim her prize.**_

_**Bob- the answer was that we sorta represent Freuds theory of the ID, Ego and the Super ego. Sorta.**_

_**Oko- =D Next question is- What am I? (to Yumi)**_

_**Yumi- And no, you are not allowed say 'My Super ego' even though its technically true.**_

_**Oko- =D Sayounara~!**_

-x-

"Hikaru."

Hikaru turned to face Kyoya. "What do you want you demon form hell who burst my balloon, called me an uke, lied to me about incest being legal in Japan, converted my brother to Scientology (coming soon!) and generally makes my life living hell? WHat could you possibly say that could make me feel better than you've already cut me down to-"

"I found Maria."

Hikaru's face lit up. "Seriously?"

"And your balloon too."

Hikaru was far too stupid to realize that his balloon had long died and was never lost and was in fact in a shoe box grave beneath his bed and grinned cheerfully, hugging Kyoya with glee. "Yay! Where are they! I wish to see them and tell them how much I love my girls and-"

"They're bisexual and have eloped to Canada and they sent me and Kaoru a wedding invitation but not you."

Hikaru fainted. Again.

Kaoru waltzed over, hi-fiving Kyoya who solemnly replied- "Those drugs are some powerful stuff!"


	61. Candy's dog has got it going on!

"Hey Mon ami Hey Mon ami Hey Mon ami Hey!"

"Stop reading Nyron. What, anyway?"

"Have you ever noticed, that in that book about the short dude and the weird guy and the dead girl and the dog?"

"In Of Mice and Men, am I correct?"

"Yeah Yeah that. Anyway, that dog sounds awesome, and I think that wife woman has the hots for him!"

There was silence until Hikaru and Kaoru and Hunny waltzed in, Kaoru in a wig, a curly one, Hikaru wearing a fake stub of a hand and carrying a stick and Hunny with a cowboy hat on. They then began to sing- badly at that. Very badly.

_Candy can I come over_

_To the old barn?_

_We could talk_

Hikaru butted in on Kaoru's solo- _No, I'd rather eat my arm_

Kaoru scowled- _Well thats kinda cheatin'_

_Now dont you think?_

_You're missing your hand_

_You might wanna try your leg_

_I guess you know I dont like Curly much_

And with a dramatic finger pointing at Hikaru- _Bet you never thought that, I'd fancy your mutt!_

_Candy's dog has got it going on_

_He's what I want, I ain't been married too long_

_Curly dont you see, you're not the guy for me_

_I guess its pretty wrong, but I'm in love with Candy's dog._

Looks of horror etched across the other two cosplayers as Kaoru continued, now directing his assault on Hunny.

_George, do you remember _

_When I came to talk?_

_That pretty thing_

_Greeted me with a bark_

_I know he loves me_

_from the way he stares_

_As if to say_

Hair flip, FTW- _'Have you done something new with your hair._

_You know I'm not the little girl that you think I am_

_I'm needing love, but not from any man!_

They're all joining in now, as Tamaki and Kyoya look on in horror. Mori walks in in a dog suit.

_Candy's dog has got it going on_

_He's what I want, I ain't been married too long_

_Curly dont you see, you're not the guy for me_

_I guess its pretty wrong, but I'm in love with Candy's dog!_

And then they all bowed and left. Tamaki clapped, grinning idiotically. Kyoya face palmed. _'Is that what I'm paying them for?'_

_-x-_

_**Yumi- It had to be done! ^^ (do I even have to say what this is a parody of?)**_

_**Oko- =D To Awesome Smiley Girl, Your request is no problem, but now you have another one. Congrats, you won. Again.**_

_**Bob- The answer was that Oko is Yumi's inner child/a younger version of her. You could've also said that she is Yumi's little sister, because she is that too.**_

_**Yumi- Next question! Who created Bob?**_

_**Bob-...*scowl***_

_**Yumi- sayounara!**_


	62. Showers and perverted smiles

Kaoru was reading a magazine on his bed when it happened. It being Hikaru walking out of the bathroom with an evil smirk on his face; devious; mischievous; _perverted_ smile. One that made Kaoru wonder what exactly he had been doing in the bathroom, when he was apparently having a shower.

Hmm...his hair was wet, so he had had his shower. What about having a shower in a bathroom where he isn't wearing clothes and there is lots of mirrors was there to be perverted about? Nothing, zilch, nada.

Kaoru ignored the unsettling feeling in his stomach and went back to reading.

-x-

**_Yumi- silly Kaoru...To Awesome Smiley Girl- *nods* thats no problem, but you'll have to wait until the end of Awesome August, because I've got two other stories to finish. But other than that, it'll be done in no time ^^_**

**_Bob- *sighs* And no one guessed right, so we give more time, just for the sake of not having to come up with another question._**

**_Oko- ^^ and we're going to Nom Con, so we may not have an update tomorrow. Yay for anime conventions!_**

**_Yumi- Sayounara! *dances around happily at the prospect of anime*_**


	63. The disappearance of Kuma part one

"Hey Hikaru!"

"What?"

"You know the way Tamaki got Haruhi and you didn't and how _depressed _you are and how its _eating you alive _that Tono got the girl and you only have your _dreams _and how _sad _makes you feel because she loves _him _and not _you _and-"

"Kaoru! Are you getting anywhere with this?"

Kaoru smirked. He'd hit a nail. "Well," he pondered, "How about we steal Kuma-chan. Since that stupid teddy bear is Tamaki's only substitution of a brain, he'll be helpless and you can steal Haruhi from him!" Kaoru patted his own back-if that were possible-at his brilliant idea.

Hikaru gaped. "We could do that?"

"No duh."

An evil smirk forced its way on to Hikaru's face. "You give me such evil ideas Kaoru..."

"Intentionally, of course..."

_to be continued..._

_****__-x-_

_****__Yumi- Oh no, the drama!_

_****__Oko- Le gasp!_

_****__Bob- You dont take French._

_****__Oko- *starts to cry uncontrollably* Awesome August is pretty much over tomorrow, even though its still August._

_****__Yumi- Why, you may ask? I have FREAKIN' SCHOOL!_

_****__Bob- *rubs ears* calm. down._

_****__Yumi- *breathes heavily through a paper bag* A-and I haven't done my science yet! Or washed my school bag! Or done my haaaaaair!_

_****__Bob- But you have to sleep on it anyways._

_****__Yumi- *emo corners*_

_****__Oko- ^^ the melancholy of Yumi Chan is back, I see. Anyways, I'm taking control!_

_****__Bob- (oh the joy. Its the apocalypse)_

_****__Oko- *pouts* I only have to say one thing. No winners on the question yet? The answer was ME! Because he was made when Yumi was a child, and I am Yumi as a child ^^_

_****__Bob- Trick question in other words._

_****__Oko- So, New question! Bob is missing what? A) his arms. B) his legs C) His eyes or D) all of the above?_

_****__Bob- *growls* this authors note is brought to you by the people who enjoy making 100 worded chapters and 300 worded authors notes._

_****__Yumi- *still in corner listening to Billy S on her headphones randomly*_


	64. The disappearance of Kuma part two

Tamaki was in his corner. Not because he was a depressed emo. Not because Haruhi wouldn't wear the pretty dress for Daddy. Not because he felt like it. Not because his corner was far more comfortable than their rich persons couch. No.

Kuma-chan was gone.

Now obviously we know from the last chapter that the only logical conclusion is that Hikaru and Kaoru stole him to steal Haruhi away from their king. But no; they weren't due to start their master plot until the following day.

So where was kuma-chan?

No one really cared actually. Tamaki with no brain was a hell of a lot easier to deal with than Tamaki whinging about randomness that no one really gives a damn about.

But when his princesses stopped coming, the profit went down. If the profit went down, there was no money to buy cake. If there was no money to buy cake, the whole host club was at risk and that if money ran out too much, they would have to shut down.

It then became a problem.

They tried to clone him, but the clone actually ended up being a sheep, providing a tormented Hunny with joy for a few measly minutes. They tried to make him a puppet, but making Mori as the ventriloquist wasn't their smartest plan.

They had no choice. They had to find that bear.

So, for some major plot skip reason, they decided to go to the land of sheep, potatoes and Guiness to find Kuma-chan. Because that bear was obviously there and everything...

_To be continued...again_

_-x-_

_**Yumi- =D Tralalalala sorry about not updating for nearly a week!**_

**_Bob- yeah, whatever. No one guessed right, but the answer was D) all of the above. I am just a circle with a triangle body. Because _somebody _was a really idiotic unimaginative child_**

**_Oko- Wah!_**

**_Yumi- ^^' anyways, Why is Oko called Oko. Hint, Its based on two words in Japanese (you can just guess one) that represent her position._**

**_Oko- ^^ sayounara! Thank you for all the reviews!_**


	65. Gravity is a many wondered thing

After episode twenty six, the rest of the host club realized that if you jump off a bridge, fall hundreds of feet and land in a lake, there is a slim chance of survival. Us here believe in the nature of physics and believe that they didn't survive and that their bodies were never found.

Kaoru grinned over to Kyoya. "Hey senpai?" he called, "You can cancel that hitman you hired now! Haruhi's dead so there's no more pairing problems, right?"

Kyoya sighed. "Kaoru, you idiot," he answered, feeling weird that he was calling the younger twin an idiot for once instead of his drugged up brother, "Tamaki died too. Now we have five, and thats still and odd number!"

"Oh darn it," Kaoru sighed.

"Well, Kaoru, you could always pair up with me instead," his glasses glint, "But you'd have to _murder _that pesky brother of yours first."

Hikaru looked on, grinning, so drugged up that he didn't even care that there was a plot to kill him going on.

Kaoru smirked.

Hunny and Mori watched on. "Takashi?" the smaller senior wondered, "Why dont I just pairwith Reiko and you can pair with one of the twins?"

Mori didn't comment on his thoughts on that careless comment.

-x-

_**Yumi- too lazy to do the rest of the kuma thing. I'll finish it next time.**_

_**Bob- Better...**_

_**Oko- No one guessed right so far, so we'll give you a bit longer.**_

_**Yumi- And I'm too lazy to reply to reviews, so I'll do them tomorrow. (well at least I'm honest!) Sayounara!**_


	66. The disappearance of Kuma part three

They got to Ireland, just to realize that everyone was really really drunk! Including one certain teddy bear that quickly got out of their sight.

It turns out that they came on national Arthur's day, which all they knew was that it had something to do with Ireland's main export, Guinness. Hunny started squealing that he had saw a leprachaun, but it turned out to be a ginger primary schooler who kicked hi and made him cry. Mori glared at the child and he ran away.

I hope you understand that the child was one of the few that wasn't drunk. His mother had locked the drink cabinet. Then his father went and opened it again. But he locked it after him, so no alcohol for the poor deprived child.

Hikaru was in his element. Kaoru lost sight of him for two seconds and he came back, wasted and singing Bowling for Soup songs...badly.

Eventually, because the authoress is lazy, they found the bear and brought him home, him not putting up too much of a fight because of his alcohol intake earlier that day.

But first, they got stopped by some raving otaku kid who kept asking them over and over again about whether or not Ireland was in Hetalia. They told her to watch it and find out and she went of in a huff. So they brought Kuma home, and everything was hunky dory again, except for the world domination planning behind the scenes...

-x-

_**Yumi- ^^' Sorry for not updating in ages...**_

_**Bob- and, well, that sucked...**_

_**Yumi- Shaddup...it really is Arthurs day today!**_

_**Bob- So?**_

_**Yumi- ^^' anyway, Oko is a mix between hill and child in Japanese (oka and ko) No one got it. The final question now is easy. Pumpkins make people crazyyy, wasn't ariginally called that. It was called 'pumpkins make people *insert word here*'. Whats the missing word?**_

_**Bob- Hint, she didn't call it that because its a slang word of sorts that means something else in English, and she wasn't sure back then if both were spelled the same way. Its also a recurring theme in the story.**_

_**Yumi- And to Hitachiin 9796, (whoo hoo, I finally replied to you! Sorry ^^') Congrats! I wasn't expecting my 500th reviewer so soon, but anyway, you get a choice of the usual prizes to express my gratitude!**_

_**Bob- Whoo...**_

_**Yumi- Sayounara!**_


	67. And Tamaki got a bomber jacket

**_Yumi- =D Guess?_**

**_Bob- She shouldn't be let near anime like this..._**

**_Oko- Sayounara ^^'_**

-x-

It all started when Tamaki decided to wear glasses.

That was no big deal- well except for the fact that he couldn't see through them and kept bumping into things and Haruhi- as such, but when the bomber jacket and smart immature comments came with it, it started to get annoying.

Then, things onl;y got worse when Hikaru decided he liked pasta more than maple syrup and ate it constantly, having a, now foulmouthed, Kaoru grow him tomatoes in the back yard.

And then Hunny started to have a fascination with small things, more so than he already had, making everything super small. And when he wasn't doing that, he was irritating Kyoya about how to become a country, or how to steal another country and make your own country and when he would be a country and all that malark.

Kyoya answered every question with proclamations on his awesomeness.

Haruhi sat, eating her rice, and fumed about the influences of the western world on beautiful Japan.

"Master!" Reiko exclaimed, watching the commotion from the doorway, "Should we help?"

"No need," came the creepy reply, "Everyone will be part of the black magic club eventually..."

A voice came out of seemingly nowhere, over where Usa-chan was floating. "Why do they never notice me...?"

Usa-chan looked up. "Who are you?"

"I'm Mori!"


	68. Monday to Sunday

_**Yumi- ^^' sorry for not updating in so long. I have been apathetic recently.**_

_**Bob- what has that got to do with anything? You've had this written for two weeks!**_

_**Oko- Ah, they're just going to fight some more, so I'm gonna do the rest. To D, really? Hetalia is awesome!**_

_**To H 9796, Ha, its a Hetalia crossover. Sorry for the confusion ^^'**_

_**To Noname, Why, thank you very much! ^^ Your comment is very much appreciated. Although, I still dont know myself how my twisted mind works, so I'm stumped about where my ideas come from.**_

_**Thank you to all our reviewers and sayounara**_

_**Yumi and Bob- *still arguing* **_

-x-

**Monday**- Haruhi looked out her window, into the yard behind the block of flats. There was the host club, eating cupcakes and praising the wonders of green llamas. Haruhi sighed, pulling her curtains closed.

**Tuesday**- Haruhi looked out her window, into the yard behind the block of flats. There was the twins having a commoners barbecue while her father loudly played 'girls just wanna have fun for all their neighbors to enjoy. Haruhi sighed, pulling her curtains closed.

**Wedensday**- Haruhi looked out her window, into the yard behind the block of flats. There was the black magic club, teasingly eating cookies to try and taunt her to the dark side. Haruhi sighed, pulling her curtains closed.

**Thursday**- Haruhi looked out her window, into the yard behind the block of flats. There was seventeen cats yodeling in Vietnamese on the lawn which had been painted to look like a motorway. Haruhi sighed, pulling her curtains closed.

**Friday**- Haruhi looked out her window, into the yard behind the block of flats. There was a life sized love circle of the host club spray painted onto the lawn, over the motorway, with many different varieties of it dotted around, each representing a different anime. Haruhi sighed, pulling her curtains closed.

**Saturday**- Haruhi looked out her window, into the yard behind the block of flats. There was Mori, desperately taming a mountain lion while wearing only a loincloth. Haruhi sighed, pulling her curtains closed.

**Sunday-** Haruhi went to church. She wasn't Christian.


	69. Kaoru's suicide diary, Monday

**Monday (Kaoru's POV)**

Today I tried to die because my life is a painful blackhole of endless misery and Hikaru, my one and only incestuous love is in love with that horrible raccoon.

I strolled into the rose garden, happy to finally put an end to my misery with the rusty razor I stole from my Fathers bathroom. Sadly the gardner walked in before I could do any lasting damage and now I've been sent to counselling.

But I will succeed! Even if its the last thing I do! And...well, it most certainly will!

-x-

**_Yumi- ^^ Is this my shortest? I think so, but there will be five of these, every second chapter, okay?_**

**_Bob- Also, anyone who requested something, could they ask again. She's after writing them down somewhere...and losing it..._**

**_Yumi- Its not lost! Just...misplaced..._**

**_Oko- You should update more, no? If you want more updates, you have to remind her what you wanna see, okay?_**

**_To Awesome Smiley Girl- A game? Yay! What is it?_**

**_To the reviewer who didn't leave a name- Yes...I would pay one million rupees to see it... mwahahahahha!_**

**_Yumi- Sayounara! And sorry ^^'_**


	70. Our father, who's hiding behind a wall

**_Yumi- Hah, continuation of chapter 67_**

**_Bob- sighs..._**

**_Oko- Onee-chan, why have I been doing all the reviews lately?_**

**_Yumi- Uhhhhhhh (causeI'mtoolazy_****_causeI'mtoolazy_****_causeI'mtoolazy_****_causeI'mtoolazy) Because I want to give you some acknowledgement? _**

_Oko- =D To Awesome Smiley Girl- That sounds so cool! (wants) Btw, there's her review_

_The game's called 'Sakura wars, so long my love' I think it's based on an anime called Sakura Taisen._

The game is really amazing (it has gaint, fighting robots and cute girls too)! Near the end I thought my girlfriend (you play as a boy) was going to die...I was reaally depressed for days. Yes, that's how much I loved it. but turns out, she doesn't die at all :D

I would reccomend tthis game to anyone. It's a pretty strange, emotional and overall humerous game, check it out!

**_Awesomeness, ne? to bLaISe- Hah, sorry if I offended you, then...^^'_**

**_to Me- Thank you very much!_**

**_To Random lazy person- I just don't imagine him committing suicide. He doesn't really come off that way, ne?_**

**_Yumi- I'm proud of you (fordoingmyworkbecauseI'mlazy) Btw, didn't a whole bunch of people ask me if they could be Hikaru's girlfriend? I only got one reply for that, so anyone else who asked, can they remind me? Because there's two more chapters before I wrap up Hikaru's girlfriend problems for good. Okay? Sayounara!_**

-x-

The hosts were having a meeting in Haruhi's house. The meeting was originally planned to convince Hunny to stop going on about micro-nations and principalities and how he wanted to become one, but soon stretched to giving out to Kaoru for not being a proper Christian when he decided that the only way to make Hunny see sense was to cuss at him, which only resulted in the senior crying.

But eventually the topic of conversation drifted to who was the least important character in the series. Who never got any attention. Who was always left in the shadows, with no speech.

"Me!" Tamaki piped up, "No one, like, ever notices me, dude! They need to pay more attention to the main character of this whole jazz and all, dont they, huh huh. None you are allowed to disagree with me, alright. Duuuuuuuuuuuude!"

Haruhi nodded sheepishly, wondering why she let these lunatics into her house.

Hikaru got up to play with a cat that had randomly walked in, just to realize it was Nekozawa in a cat suit, so he ran away crying to Kaoru, who just told him to go away, in a less polite manner. Hikaru hushed up until he came up with a contribution to the topic at hand.

"Ah ah!" he said, jumping up and down with his hand in the air, "Our father!"

"Hikaru, dude," Tamaki deadpanned, tipping his glasses, "Kaoru is the one that needs to be more religious here."

"No no, I mean Daddy!" He smiled proudly. "No one ever notices Daddy!"

"My Dad was a lettuce..," Tamaki murmered, "The he mysteriously disappeared. I swear someone ate him...but when I looked around, all I saw was a mysterious shadow..."

"Like that one over there?"

"Yeah...exactly like that..."

"Hey, Hikaru?" Karu said suddenly, "I didn't know we had a father..."

Just then, the door slammed open, revealing Ranka with a rifle, aimed at the group. "Thats it kids," he growled, "Get out of my house. I need to yode- I mean, eat my cheese...yeah...cheese...so leave! You guys have your own big houses, right? Go play in them!"

They grumbled, leaving. As they were walking out the door, Hunny piped up, "Though, I swear we're missing an unimportant person that should be really obvious, aren't we?" They patted him on the back and told him he was delusional.

The second they were gone, Ranka put on his Heidi outfit and began to yodel.

"...when do you think they'll notice me, Usaogi-chan?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm Mori!"


	71. Kaoru's suicide diary, Tuesday

**_Yumi- Next segment up, and I decided to give Oko a break and answer the reviews myself ^^ (aren't you so proud of me?)_**

**_Oko- *asleep*_**

**_Yumi- Okaaaaaaaaay, lets go toooooooo, ah, Jas-chan- Of course, just wait about...3 chapters for your appearance?_**

**_Awesome Smiley Girl- same to you, alright?_**

**_Good good...I have a feeling I'm forgetting someone though..._**

**_Bob- *Oko is sleeping on top of him, and since he has no arms to move her with, he must refrain from making sarcastic comments today, folks*_**

**_-x-_**

**Tuesday (Kaoru POV again)**

I was sent to counselling today and I had to miss English because of it *sad face* Now I am even more determined to end this never ending misery- although, I will prove that it most certainly _is _endable, if you know what I mean...

I told the counselor all this and then she got upset. Sigh, women.

Dont worry, Arthur, my third grade hamster that never woke up although Mum _promised _he was just having a rest, I will be with you soon, hopefully, if I get to go to heaven, which I might not, because God doesn't take to kindly to incest.

Or do hamsters even go to heaven? Hikaru told me they were wicked souls...wah! Hikaru!


	72. The Christmas IM special!

**_Yumi- Its Christmas and I deserve a break! No authors notes!_**

**_Bob- *wearing a 'bah humbug' hat*_**

**_-x-_**

_TheRealDRAMAKing has logged on_

_TheRealDRAMAKing- _Hey guys! Merry Christmas!

_Themoreawesomeoftwo- _Leave Tono. You're not welcome.

_AtleastI'msmarter- _Hikaru, leave him alone.

_TheRealDRAMAKing has changed his mood to extremely depressed._

_AtleastI'msmarter- _Over reaction much?

_TheRealDRAMAKing_- Hikaru is so cruel...where's Haruhi, you demons?

_Themoreawesomeoftwo_- Haruhi can't afford a computer, moron. Sure she's practically a hobo

_TheShadowKing_- Which one of you idiots changed my username?

_AtleastI'msmarter has exited the conversation_

_FluffBunnyUSA18_- Well, there's your answer, Kyo-chan!

_TheShadowKing_- Anyway, I'll get him later. Hikaru, didn't you get Haruhi a laptop?

_Themoreawesomeoftwo_- Yeah, but she probably sold it on ebay to pay for her rent and food and other commoner stuff.

_FluffBunnyUSA18-_ Eating is for paupers? _(one person liked this comment)_

_FluffBunnyUSA18 has changed their mood to bemused_

_FluffBunnyUSA18 has exited the conversation_

_SilentNight- _I will also make my leave if you dont mind I'm getting very very tired and its really quite late and I think I should sleep and Mitsukuni left the conversation so I think I should go.

_SilentNight has exited the conversation_

_TheRealDRAMAKing- _When did he get here?

_Themoreawesomeoftwo- _I think the question here is more along the lines opf 'when will you leave?'. _(two people liked this)_

_TheRealDRAMAKing- _Wait, Hikaru cant like his own comments and I didn't like it, so who else is here?

_YourFriendlyRaccoon has changed their mood to sly_


	73. Kaoru's suicide diary, Wednesday

**_Yumi- Happy new year! Here's the next installment of Kaoru's suicide diary._**

-x-

Wednesday (in Kaoru's pov...like always...)

Today, Haruhi gave Hikaru a pen to do his class work. That ho! She just did it in an attempt to get into his pants, I swear!

Now I'm irrevocably depressed again. I asked to be excused to go to the bathroom where I desperately attempted to melt my brain with the luke-warm hand dryer and, when that failed epically, poison myself with the horrible smelling soap.

The gardener caught me...again.

Now I'm in counselling...again.

Goddammit, cant a boy kill himself in peace around here?


	74. Hikaru's girlfriend is nearly finished

**_Yumi- Here's the next installment and its the prize for my 500th reviewer, Hitachiin 9796._**

**_Oko- To Jas-chan, just wait two more chapters! ^^_**

**_Bob- Goodbye_**

-x-

The third music room was quiet. Too quiet. In fact, it was too quiet, so quiet, deadly quiet. That is, until Hikaru showed up and interrupted the peace. With his arm around a girl.

"Hey, this is my girlfriend"

Haruhi watched, amused. "I didn't know you had a sister."

Now Kaoru was confuesd. "We have a sister?"

"No, this is my girlfriend"

"Cousin?" someone else piped up.

"Girlfriend!" Hikaru yelled, his grip on the girl tightening.

"Seriously?" Kaoru sweatdropped.

A sigh. "Is it that hard to believe?"

"Yes."

"Oh..."

There was silence againj, and Kyoyawas getting his hopes up that the peace that they had had before Hikaru arrived would be back. But no, Hunny decided that silence was 'awkward' and decided to question the girl. "Hi! Whats your name?" he asked, bounding over.

"..." Her grip on Hikaru tightened.

"Can she talk?"

Hikaru shrugged. "No...breaking the fourth wall does this to people now and again..."


	75. Kaoru's suicide diary, Thursday

**_Yumi- Okay, in school, so quick authors note._**

**_Oko- to awesome smiley girl, =D_**

**_To Jas-chan, next chapter, okay?_**

_**to jalksjfs, =D**_

_**Bob- here.  
**_

-x-

Thursday (Guess who's POV)

I told the counsellor that I had unforgivably homosexual, incestuous feelings for my brother and extremely frightening homocidal tendencies towards his love interest. She told Hikaru.

Kyaaaaa, thats so embarrassing!

Now its all awkward between us!

He his all sharp objects in the house.

I want to jump out the window


	76. The prompt is officially dead

_**Yumi- I kicked this prompt until it DIED!**_

_**Bob-and now its officially dead.**_

_**Oko- -_-...to Awesome Smiley Girl, here you go!**_

_**Yumi- Sayounara! (next chapter is the last installment of Kaoru's suicide diary =()  
**_

-x-

It was all silent again when Hikaru turned up for the second time. Now, this would have been deja vu, except for the fact that, instead of his new apparent girlfriend, he had two other girls attached at his elbows too.

"Hey guys," he said, smirking slyly.

Kaoru deadpanned. "Uh...who are these people?"

"Are they all your girlfriends?" Haruhi asked, not really caring, but in desperate attempt to make conversation.

"Nah, these be my hangers on."

The original girl growled at the other two, her arms tightening around Hikaru's waist. The other two smiled sweetly as they nestled in to the crooks of the elder twin's arm.

Tamaki was indignant. "...hey! I'm the don juan around here!"

"...well your bouts of heartbreak didn't last long..," Haruhi sighed.

Kyoya hummed, doing a few quick calculations as he flipped through his hidden mysterious notebook. "Approximately 10 chapters."

Hunny looked up in horror at Kyoya, and then to Mori. "Kyo-chan broke the fourth wall again!"

Kaoru looked into the distance. "There is no fourth wall anymore, senpai. Just ash where it used to be..."


	77. Kaoru's suicide diary, finale

Friday (still the same damn POV)

Sadly I landed in a bush so I didn't die. But Hikaru promised me that he would no longer borrow Haruhi's pens, so now I'm happy again and no longer want to end my life in the most difficult ways possible!

Though that may have something to do with the medicine he forced on me; I'd say they're anti-depressants.

Or hash.

-x-

**_Yumi- Okay, to ShadowNinjaAiko-chan, you are my 600th reviewer, so pick a priiiiiize!_**

**_To Awesome Smiley Girl, balme Hikaru, he was the one who hurt it!_**

**_Oko- We'll replied to the signed reviewers after school, 'cause class is about to start now and all._**

**_Bob- Have you done your homework? _**

**_Yumi-..._**

**_Bob- Didn't think so..._**

**_Oko- Sayounara! ^^  
_**


	78. Share the Love!

_"If Tama-chan was a cupcake," Hunny pondered slowly, "He'd be strawberry one!"_

_Mori caught the little ne's chin, tempting him to look into those dark eyes. "Yes, but Mitsukuni...you'd still be sweeter..."_

_"T-Takashi..."_

_They le-_

"Hold up, hold up!" Hikaru complained, snatching the piece of paper out of his brother's hands, "What do you think you're doing?"

"Uhm...I thought it needed more romance?"

"No. Just no."

-x-

**_Yumi- Okay, stupid school computer wont let me reply to reviews, and I'm not allowed on computer Monday to Friday because my English essays are more like fanfictions...sigh...I get on anyway, but its for such a short time, I haven't been able too..._**

**_Oko- So she'll reply as soon as possible! Sayounara! (btw, this is late Valentine's Day stuff)_**


	79. The raccoon prince

**_Yumi- this is why the Drabble generator is awesome_**. **_You just type in a bunch of words and this happens_**

**_Bob- *facepalms* which means you technically didn't write this._**

**_Yumi- Hmph, well I picked the characters and grammar stuff  
_**

**_Oko- For the link to the site or to see the two others we made, go onto our deviantart profile and its on our journal. Link is in our profile here._**

**_Yumi- Sayounara!  
_**

-x-

The Raccoon Prince

Hikaru was walking through a beautiful meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a green little raccoon lying under a tree.

Hikaru skipped over to see the dear thing and was strange to find that he was hurt! A bottle of vodka had pierced his epic little big toe and he whimpered awesomely with the pain.

"My hairy little friend," Hikaru said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the bottle of vodka, as stupidly as he could. The raccoon cried out and Hikaru's heart ached, like a unicorn who had just been murdered in the most horrible, sadistic manner possible. "You'll be all right," Hikaru whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Kaoru and you can live with me forever!"

Scooping Kaoru up in his arms, Hikaru carried him home and made a bed for him beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Hikaru nursed Kaoru, cleaning his big toe and feeding him Hippo-brand raccoon chow.

On the eighth night, Kaoru climbed into bed with Hikaru. He burrowed under the covers and yelled Hikaru's back molar. It made Hikaru giggle and he cuddled close to Kaoru, stroking his earlobe and singing epically to him.

They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Hikaru hurried home so he could curl up with Kaoru. It gave him a pathetic feeling whenever Kaoru yelled his back molar.

Then one night, Kaoru looked up at Hikaru and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a rubbish prince."

Hikaru screamed pointlessly, he was so surprised. How could a raccoon talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.

"You're not dreaming," Kaoru said. "Kiss me."

"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Hikaru said and kissed Kaoru on his earlobe. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a rubbish prince! With a crown and everything!

"I'm Prince Kaoru," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."

"Is it really you?" Hikaru said.

"See?" Kaoru said and showed Hikaru the scar from the bottle of vodka on his big toe. Then he kissed Hikaru and they tumbled in a phone box and did a lot of very grey things, some of them involving a blue broomstick.

"I love you," Kaoru said when they were done. Hikaru clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Kaoru had stashed away.

And if Kaoru didn't know about Hikaru's visits to the raccoon sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.


	80. Relations of a homosexual nature

**_Yumi- I shouldn't be using this for my personal arguements, but meh, when has that stopped me before. If you get the reference in the first paragraph, I love you._**

**_Oko- Also, I owe Awesome Smiley Girl and whoever was my 600th review things. My 600th reviewer has yet to ask me for anything, and I have Awesome Smiley Girl's request, I just have yet to get past four paragraphs -_-'' I will do it eventually, just not used to KyoxHika..._**

**_Yumi- ~Sayounara. (if I forgot to reply to any reviews, I'm sorry; school sucks, but I only have about two months left anyway, so~ yay~)  
_**

-x-

Hikaru growled. "This shit is so fudging _gay_ h growled, throwing whatever it was that was so homosexual aside. We don't know what it is, you see, for it was censored, which, according to fandom completely unrelated to this, was a sign of something inedible.

Kaoru twitched.

"I mean, what _gay_ idiot made such a stupid, _gay_ **** (no, he is not cussing. I just told you we don't know what the item was dammit!) It's just soooooooo _gay_."

Kaoru stood up, going all Phoenix Wright on Hikaru's ass which literally means pointing your finger dramatically and yelling the first thing that comes into your mind. It's a lawyer thing. "What, so this item is having relations of a homosexual nature with other objects? Huh? And how are you so certain of this thing's gender, huh? Personally, if you cant find a word to replace such slur in your vocabulary then you aren't very smart. Right. There."

Kaoru sat back down.

Hikaru was silent for a moment before replying, "Huh?"

"Exactly."


	81. The bestest chapter you'll ever see

Scroll down for craziness

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April Fools!


	82. That waitress ffffff

**_Yumi- this prompt is also now officially dead._**

**_Bob- You haven't updated for 19 days..._**

**_Yumi- I thought I had! But then I realized I didn't, so you can have it now!_**

**_Oko- =) sorry if we didn't reply to reviews as our email was broken as until a few days ago, so we didn't receive the alerts. We will reply to any that come in for this chapter~_**

**_Yumi- Sayounara~ I may update more regularly, as I'm off for the rest of this and next week~ May.  
_**

-x-

After Hikaru had been kicked out of the shop for excessive singing and bullying his now crying twin, the sales assistant went over to comfort/ molest/ fangirl over the younger twin as she thought he looked like a pretty boy character out of one of her mangas, which was something to do with an Ouran High School Host Club.

(No. There is no fourth wall any more.)

"Dear, are you okay?" she asked, placing a hand on the sobbing boy's shoulder. The crying relented almost immedietly as he turned to look at her in wonder. She gasped, his amber orbs sinking into her baby blue eyes and she knew right then that she would be the next Mary Sue to arrive in the fandom.

"You're cute. I'd totally kiss if you if I wasn't so gay for my brother and senpai that are singing outside."

_Thought_ she knew. She deadpanned. "Seriously?"

On the window, written backwards so Kaoru could make it out, Hikaru had scrawled, 'Kaoru! Kyoya died from over singing!'


	83. Your inards aren't safe

**_Yumi- Hikaru will have another story for you in time for Awesome August. But that's a long way away yet. (hopes she replied to all the reviews this time around)_**

**_Bob- (she actually updated on time. Wow. Even if it is one of the shortest chapters EVER)  
_**

-x-

Hikaru coughed. "I came up with a new idea for a story," he said simply.

Looking up from his work, Kyoya blinked, irritation settling in his gaze. "If it has anything to do with me going blind and marrying a teapot again, I will rip out your inards, strangle you with them and just when you think you are about to die, shoot you in your right kneecap and force you to eat your own liver."

Hikaru blinked before whimpering, "It's about unicorns..."

And unicorns it was about. Unicorns marrying teapots. Blind unicorns marrying teapots.


	84. Mori's seven ways to die trying

**Mori's seven ways to die trying ...to give Haruhi the child support money**

-x-

**ONE- **_Get Hunny to give it to her._

Mori smiled. Haruhi couldn't refuse Hunny. He was just too cute and little to say no to!

But, as it so happened, Haruhi was PMSing and no one can get the better of a PMSing Haruhi as Hunny came back in tears two minutes later with the undelivered child support money in a brown envelope. He was sporting a rather fetching black eye too.

Mori deadpanned

**-x-  
**

**TWO- **_Get Hikaru to distract her while you slip it into her pocket_

"Hey, you stupid freaking raccoon, get your skinny tail over here!"

Haruhi walked over, scowling. "Hikaru, when did you become so rude?"

Hikaru grinned. "Since I got paid a thousand yen a minute to distract you while Mori feels up your ass...oh...wait...I wasn't mean to tell you that...oh well, hey, stoic boy, pay up! Oh come one, what's with that look? I don't care if you're getting the crap bet out of you by Haruhi because she's on her period, I want my freaking money, punk! You shouldn't have been molesting her anyways!"

This time, Mori was the one sporting a black eye as he deadpanned.

**-x-  
**

**THREE- **_Tamaki_

"Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take it Take-"

"Senpai, shut up."

"Whyyyyyyyy wont you take it from your Daddy? This boy is my grandchild!"

"Senpai, you're not my father."

"UWAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH?"

Mori deadpanned.

**-x-  
**

**FOUR- **_Give it to Ranka_

"Mr. Ranka," Mori said when Haruhi's father opened the door, "I would like to give you this money as Haruhi refuses point blank to take it from me. I feel it is my duty to pay her back for the troubles I have landed on her by not having suitable protection."

Ranka stared. Then he blew up.

"YOU THINK I'M SOME CHARITY CASE, PUNK?" he yelled- the force blew Mori's hair back, "I DON'T WANT YOUR FREAKING MONEY, MORON, I'M HAPPY LIVING THE SIMPLE LIFE! SCREW YOU AND YOUR WHITE BREAD! I DONT NEED THIS!"

Then Mori got beaten up, wondering all the while when he got to be so weak, kendo champion and all, that he was being beaten up by a crossdresser and why Ranka semed more upset about the money than the fact that he had gotten his daughter pregnant.

Sigh. Another black eye and deadpan for Mori.

**-x-  
**

**FIVE- **_Get Kyoya to threaten her_

"In case you have forgotten, Mori-senapi," Kyoya replied when Mori asked him the favour, "Haruhi no longer has a debt as, according to the manga, Tamaki paid it off and according to the anime, she paid it off herself. I have nothing to threaten her with."

Mori deadpanned. "Can you do something with the fourth wall?"

"I'll see what I can do, yes?"

**-x-  
**

**SIX- **_mail it to the child himself_

Sadly, Kyoya was speedy about fixing up the fourth wall. Mori deadpanned.

**-x-  
**

**SEVEN- **_Just give it to her himself_

Mori deadpanned. Oh like that was going to work!

** T H E. E N D.**

**-x-**

**_Yumi- I AM SO SORRY!_**

**Bob- your exams finished, what, three weeks ago, and you're still recovering? **

**Yumi- That and I swore I had already written this...**

**Bob- Like the next 9 chapters of MTC?**

**Yumi-...shit**

**Oko- to give her her due, she had a super long chapter here- almost 1,000 words-, considering~ and two more Mori centric chapters coming up**

**Yumi- T-thank you. Please forgive me! And to anyone who's reviews I did not reply to I AM SO SORRY FOR THAT AS WELL! (To AwesomeSmileyGirl, did you review Your Anything? Or was that a different anon?) Sayounara!  
**


	85. Mister Class President

Another day started, and Tamaki was acting strangely. Well, stranger than he had been acting with his bomber jacket and unneeded glasses and all.

Haruhi didn't want to, but she felt obliged to ask the boy what was wrong, but when she did, he latched onto her, crying for a few minutes before saying that her class president wouldn't talk to him anymore and that Mori was his brother.

Wait, Mori was his brother?

Haruhi was so confused. She didn't know that Tamaki had a brother. Who the hell was Mori?

Suddenly the room echoed with a tinkling 'who' sound and everyone turned in shock to find that there had been a stoic senior in the room the entire time, holding a conspicuous pink rabbit. Haruhi wondered how she had never seen this boy before, but pushed it out of her mind because he was just so irrelevant to the plot.

But not today.

"Mori, my great friend!" Tamaki shouted, yes shouted. He did not talk like a normal person. He screamed. Totally awesome.

Mori, whoever he was, turned around in surprise. "Y-you noticed me!"

Tamaki laughed, hands on hips. "Of course I did, you're my brother! Mister class president said so!" There was silence for a moment before Hunny put up his hand.

"Is Mister Class President our new Mommy?" he asked, excitement filling his voice.

"Dont be silly," Tamaki chortled, "He never stopped being our mother!"

"Except for that time you shot him," Mori mumbled, but everything had gone back to normal and nobody cared anymore.

-x-

**Yumi- Happy new y-**

**Bob- *shoots***

**Yumi- ouch...sorry for lack of updates. I actually wrote this in July. I just haven't been on fanfiction much and forgot to post it. I'll try and upload things over the next week, but no promises.**


End file.
